Velvet Conditions

january 5th, 2019

I'm back, back again. 

I don't like the whole dear diary thing so I don't think I'm gonna do that, it doesn't feel like me. I know, I don't know who I am right now but I know I'm not some twat that writes a letter to their fucking diary. There have been some developments in the whole Jordan area of my life, so let me tell you all about that. 

My plan of not texting him was going really well, until he texted me. I saw that I had a text from him and honestly almost cried with happiness. That is, until I opened it. It was a relatively long message, and I thought that it would be him telling me that he wants me back and that he made a big mistake. This was on the 3rd of January, so the day he got back home after being away with his family. I know this because I'm a stalker who hasn't unfollowed his sister on Instagram yet, and she posted an adorable picture of them both at their house in front of their fire watching something on Netflix. 

I might just write out the whole text just because I have time to spare and I wouldn't really know what to say to sum it up, because the whole text baffles me. He said: 

"Hey Alice, I know we've been broken up for a few days now and I hope you're okay. I still wanted to see how you were and if you're coping alright. My family don't know that we're broken up just yet and would really like to see you, they were kinda upset that you couldn't come out to Devon with us to see the rest of my family, and I didn't have the heart to tell them we broke up. If you're up for it, maybe you could come over and see them one last time to sort of "say goodbye" I guess. You're a great person and know you would do this for me."

Now I read this and at first I was angry, because obviously he's using me to control his family or whatever, and I didn't answer. But then, I thought about it, and this is the perfect opportunity to win him back, I mean, he seems to regret his actions right? Also he said I was a great person and I honestly think I will be able to get him to regret his decision to end this. So I texted him back and decided to say yes, I'm going to say goodbye to his family. But it's not really goodbye, it's hello again, I'm back and better than ever. 

I'm going there later on today, haven't eaten anything in literal days because I'm so nervous and feel so nauseous, but I look great, empty stomach really suits me. I just want him to realise that Alice and Jordan go together, and so I'm wearing everything that he has said looks good on me, no lipstick in case he wants to kiss me. Overall I look pretty good. 

I really hope this works, I haven't told any of my friends that we're not together anymore, not yet, because what if we do get back together and then I'll have to say "lol oops false alarm" and I don't want to become one of those on again off again couples. It's real between us. Wish me luck. 

Also my sister is completely not sick anymore so she definitely did that to make me stay home from going to Devon on purpose. She's the worst but it's also kind of sweet. I still resent her a little bit. My mum has gone away on one of her romantic weekends with guy number 209 but if that's what makes her happy, why shouldn't she abandon her children, it's not like we care. I would have had a party but I've been too sad about Jordan. Not for long though. I'm getting him back. 

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