After Midnight | lrh

• 21 •

--- RUBY cont ---

I don't know who the mystical they is, in all the things they say. But when it's about how you spend your New Year being how you'll spend your year, I really hope they're right.

The moment the clock turned, I was kissing Luke Hemmings.

In the moments (and hours) after that, I was in his bed. And by the time we finally emerge for food, our stomachs growling and bodies tired, the first strokes of the daylight are painting the sky in streaks of pink and gold.  Luke is tugging at a blanket he draped across his shoulders like a cape and muttering at the mostly empty fridge.

After some digging, he manages to find an apple, a block of expensive cheese and some Doritos. I approve enthusiastically, so he slices the apple and cheese before tucking it all into his blanket-cape and carrying it to the living room. We waste no time tucking into the massive couch there, and our snacks. He even shares the blanket and together, we watch the sun peek over the LA skyline.

I am half way through my designated apple slices when the weight of all the words we've danced around settles like a lead weight in my throat. I feel like I might vomit, but I'm not sure if it's going to be the food or words that come up.

"Ru? You alright?" Luke's looking at me curiously, partially concerned and partially amused because there is an apple slice hanging half out of my mouth.

I mean to say words, but instead something between a mewl and a gurgle comes out.

"Doesn't help." he says patiently, but his dimple is flashing even though he's not smiling and he's biting his lip and I know that he wants to. It pisses me off even though he looks really cute.

I choke down the apple and it stays down. But the words don't. Those come flying out of my mouth the moment it opens.

"I can't fucking believe you thought.. I don't even know what you thought. What were you thinking, Luke? I don't understand what happened or what you possibly could have been accusing me of and -"

"Ruby."

"There's no way I could have known and you know it, I was right there with you, kissing you. You had all of my attention and I couldn't-"

"RUBY."

My voice is wavering now, as his rises to try to get my attention and break the deluge of worry spinning my mind into a frenzy as the words fly out faster than I can think. It finally breaks and, on a whisper, I say what I truly want to say, "Don't you know me better than that by now, Luke?"

"Yes," he says emphatically as he reaches for my hand. I let him take it, but I don't grasp his back. At the root, now that we've arrived there, I realize I am hurt. I am hurt that he didn't ask more questions or give me time to answer the ones he did ask. I am hurt that he was angry with me, and he assumed I had betrayed him in a single bound from the act of betrayal that actually occurred.  I am hurt, and I let it show as I look at him. 

--- LUKE ---

She searches my face, and I can see the confusion in her eyes. I imagine in mine, she'll only find relief right now because I'm just really relieved she finally stopped talking.

"I do know you better than that," I repeat her question back to her without breaking eye contact. "But I don't know Alex, not better or really at all. And honestly, I was already panicking. It's my house, Ru. My friends, and everyone they invited.. they all trusted me to protect them and it scared me. I was afraid, and anxious and really angry. My home- my privacy- was compromised and you were the closest I could get to the source of that. But it wasn't you and I think I always knew that. Then, when I heard you talking to Alex, then I really knew. It wasn't you. And it wasn't even Alex- though fuck her for refusing to take it down, and thank you for kicking her out. I ... you'll never know what that means to me. But let's go back to that later. Right now, I just want you to know that I know it wasn't you and I was wrong, and I am so so sorry for that."

Tears streak down her cheeks and I'm not even sure she knows she's crying.  I wipe one tear from her cheek with my thumb and let it trail across her lips. Her gorgeous lips. She bites my thumb, a small smile tilting the corners of her mouth and mischief dancing in her eyes for a moment before she remembers she is angry with me. Her lips turn down and I try my best to keep a straight face. I furrow my brow when she furrows hers, not mocking but genuinely puzzled at the shadows in her eyes again.

"Who is she?" her voice is soft and so low that she manages to sound dangerous and small at once.

I take a breath and drop both hands into my lap, twisting the rings there idly while I think about how to answer that. Honesty, I decide, is probably best, "A hook up. We, ah, spent the night together more than a year ago, and she spent months making my life hell. I thought we were past it."

"Then.. why was she here?" confusion deepens the crease in her brow, but the shadows in her eyes are fading. I breathe a sigh of relief - this question is easy, at least.

"Her father is one of the sound engineers we're contracted with. I didn't know the night we.. had relations," I roll my eyes at the ridiculous lengths I go to in order to avoid talking to Ruby about having sex with someone else. I don't even know why I care; I never have before. It's not like I cheated- or even like I could have since we aren't dating. "But she uses his connections to continue to get into these parties, and my hands are tied to stop her without looking like a diva."

She laughs audibly, "You are a diva, love."

Love. I can feel my heart clench and soar at the pet name, and it feels like balm to the wound of our argument.  It's the first time she's called me anything but my name and somehow it feels more profound in this moment.

I know we have so much more we need to talk about, and that this isn't done, but I can't help myself when I reach across the cushion between us to kiss her. And I can't help it that a kiss is never just a kiss when I'm with her, nor can I bring myself to care when she slides across the open space and into my lap.

Maybe I'll care some other time. For now, I let the thinking fall away.

Thinking, and clothes. We don't really need those either, I think with a grin as I lift her without breaking the kiss and carry her to my bedroom.