waking up to a notification
don't miss your memories
a year ago today
immediately feeling
fear
fear
fear
fear
opening the notification
seeing the pictures
me and the girls
i thought were my friends
standing with beers
first one
to two
three
four
closing the notification
maybe i can just forget
being dragged from the kitchen
i kept saying
no
no
no
no
going to the gym
if i run far enough
fast enough
maybe it will leave with the sweat
every thought
mile
after mile
after mile
after mile
staring in the mirror
my vision overcome
with a flashback
of her bathroom mirror
as he pulled my pants
down
down
down
down
standing in the middle stall
of the bathroom at work
because my mind is overcome
the yells of the patrons of the bar
sound far too much like those
of beer pong victors
right outside the door
and down
i fall
fall
fall
fall
thinking that i should be over it
statistics says 1/3 of women are raped
if they can still live, why can i not
why is it that a year later
i still feel him on me
right before my vision went
black
black
black
black.
laying in bed tonight
wishing for the day to be over
but knowing that these thoughts never will
because everyday
there will be a reminder
when i see him in the hall
or i see my old friends
who told me it was my fault
and let him leave me
lying on the floor
alone
alone
alone
alone
wondering if one day
maybe i won't think about it at all
but today is not that day
and tomorrow will not be either
but one day maybe i will be able to feel again
drink again
live again
without fear that it will happen
again
again
again
again
j.s.
