she extended her slender arm to mine
and whispered "come with me"she brought her leg into an arabesque
and demanded i did the samequietly i examined her
trying to figure out who she wasshe was mystifyingly beautiful,
she promised she had the answer to all my problemsi watched her jeté
and relevé into pointein awe i stood back,
until finally joining her pas de deuxwe became inseparable,
she lifted me up and i clung to her in desperationwith every perfectly partnered pirouette,
i began to mirror hershe told me her name was ana,
and that to be a partner of hers was an honori believed her.
i believed what i was being told.with her, i went from the chubby girl in the back
to the slim soloist in the frontuntil we started to fall out of sync.
i couldn't catch up with hermy heart seemed to leap
just as we did across a stagei begged her for a break
i begged her for sustenanceshe told me just keep dancing.
just keep dancing.you're almost there!
she pushed.you're almost as good as me!
and oh, how i wanted to be as good as herthen a doctor told me what was really going on.
she was no friend. she was no good."she" was a dangerous, mental illness
that was trying to kill meshe led me away from each of my friends
she deteriorated me into a shadow of my former selfi stopped dancing that day.
with ana, with myself, with anyonei started a new routine
i started to build myself back upi may no longer be able to raise myself en points
but i can lift a fork to my mouth without shakingi may no longer fit in my leotards
but i can walk up stairs without black spotsi may no longer dance,
but i am free.