I don't understand

3 days

Louis woke to a soft voice calling his name, “Lou, wake up.” Louis resisted groaning as he felt a poke in his shoulder.

“I’m up, I’m up.” Why was Liam bothering him this early in the morning? Louis cracked his blue orbs open and the events of yesterday came flooding back. His gaze darted to Harry who was pressed against his side and he let out a barely concealed sigh of relief that he was still asleep. Carefully he extracted himself, pushing a pillow into the place where his body had been so Harry was completely alone and followed Liam out of the room without a backwards look. They walked down to the cafeteria in silence, Liam’s arm around Louis’ shoulders comforting the boy. They slid into an empty table and Liam pushed a cup of semi-warm coffee across the table as Louis’ head fell into his arms, the dull thud of his forehead hitting the metal echoed across the room.

“How are you doing?”

Louis didn’t even try to lie. “Fucking awful. He doesn’t remember...anything. And he wants me to be, he wants me to be his Boobear again and I just can’t stand it. After what he said to me...after what happened, I just don’t know how much longer I can stand to be around him.”

The honesty of his answer shocked Liam, but he grasped his hand across the table in silent comfort. “There’s no chance of One Direction having a second chance then?” His voice was disappointed, no matter how hard he’d tried to not let that option float across his brain.

“I wish to God, there was some way I could be around him again. I miss you guys so much, every fucking day. And I miss music and our fans...but me and Harry-it’s just too painful for the both of us. I’m so sorry Liam, I really wish things were different.” A tear dripped down Louis’ face and he rubbed it away roughly, making tiny gasping noises as he fought for breath. “I’m so pathetic, I can’t even talk about him without breaking down.”

“You’re not pathetic Lou, you love him. And he loves you.” A uncharacteristically bitter look passed across Louis’ face.

“Not in the right way.” Liam wished more than anything in the world there was something he could do to help, but he couldn’t force Harry to love Louis, not the way he needed to be loved. In the end there was nothing Liam could do but be there for his friend.

“I should go home.” Louis muttered, eyeing the clock at the far side of the room. He wanted to be gone before Harry woke up.

“Lou, Harry needs to know what happened and he needs to know from you. It’s not fair, he doesn’t understand why he’s lost his best friend.” Liam pleaded, trying to make the shitty situation less so for Harry. Still trying to be daddy direction and protect his little family, what was left of it at least.

“Just give me some time please Liam. I’ll tell him, I swear, just not right now. Now, I need to go home.” Louis was desperate, he was barely holding himself together. He needed to be alone.

Liam nodded sadly, but he understood. But as Louis turned to leave, Liam grabbed his shoulder and looked him square in the eyes. “Please Lou, don’t shut us off from you. I know you can’t be around Harry, but we still need you. I-we can’t lose you as a friend, not again.”

“Ok,” Louis nodded a tearful, silent promise before leaving.

~*~

Niall and Zayn walked up to Harry’s ward to find him wandering the corridors, looking lost. “Harry! You’re not even meant to be out of bed, what are you doing mate?” Zayn hissed, subtly checking that no nurses were coming, over his shoulder.

“I was looking for Boo.” Harry pouted like a child who had lost his favourite toy and Zayn and Niall exchanged a panicked look.

Niall stepped forward and slung an arm around Harry’s shoulder’s gently guiding him back to his room, as he broke the news. “Louis’ has gone home...for a bit.”

“What!?” Harry’s green orbs widened considerably, panic, worry and hurt reflected back at Niall. “He left me...” Harry whispered, not quite believing it; he’d thought Louis had gone to the bathroom or cafeteria, he never would have dreamed he’d left Harry alone in hospital.

“No!” Niall protested quickly, “He just needed to go home for a bit. I’m sure he’ll be back later.” Ok, so Niall was stretching the truth, he was pretty certain Lou would not be back later, but he could feel Harry starting to shake again and he needed to calm him down.

“Yeah he’ll be back before you know it!” Zayn’s smile was forced and overly bright, but Harry didn’t seem to notice as he allowed himself to be delivered back to his room.

~*~

Harry sighed and glanced at the clock for the umpteenth time in the last minute, before clicking on his phone and frowning when he saw it devoid of any messages.

“Honey-“ His mum started, concern evident across her whole face.

“What!?” Harry snapped, looking up sharply and regretting it immediately as he saw the crestfallen expression on his mums face. “I’m sorry mum, I’m sorry.” Harry walked over to his mum and wrapped her up in a hug, sighing heavily. “I just-“

“Don’t understand?” She suggested, stroking his curls gently and wishing that she could make his pain go away like she used to. But he wasn’t a little boy anymore and his heart didn’t belong to her anymore.

 He nodded shyly, “I just can’t think of anything that would ever happen that would drive Louis away. I thought we were best friends...forever.” He sounded so lost and sad, his mum’s heart clenched.

“Life isn’t simple, no matter how much we wish it was. Life is messy and painful and sometimes wonderful.”

There was a silence where they both took in the words. “I love him mum. I don’t know how I could live without him and one direction in my life. They’re my family too.”

“Then fix it.”

“I don’t know how! I don’t even know what’s wrong, what I did, what he did? Anything.”

“Then keep trying until you do. If he means that much to you, you’ll do anything to keep him and fix what you had.”

“I will, I’ll call him now.” Harry rushed to grab his phone and pressed speed dial, only to realise that he no longer had Louis’ number in his phone. He sat flummoxed for a second, but his mum handed over her phone with a soft smile.  

“I still have his number. I’ll give you a moment of privacy.” With a loving pat on his head of curls, she walked out the door.

Harry jigged from side to side as the dialling tone rung, with bated breath. Louis didn’t pick up the phone.

~*~

Louis got déjà vu; he had been sitting on his couch, alone, staring blankly at the tv when his phone started ringing loudly, jolting him from his thoughts about Harry. He quickly checked the caller id-it was Harry’s mum. Worst case scenarios sped through his mind of Harry relapsing, half dead on an operating theatre. He had to mentally shake himself to stop himself going absolutely crazy. She was probably just wondering why he wasn’t with Harry and he just didn’t want to deal with anyone related to the boy he loved right now. He ignored the call and let it go to voicemail.

The voice that came through was not the one he’d been expected.

‘Hey Lou, it’s me, uh Harry...Styles. Niall told me you’d be coming to the hospital this evening, but I guess something must have come up...there was a silence where all Louis could hear was Harry’s heavy breathing...I guess I just wanted to hear your voice, I miss you. Umm, yeah, so I just want to talk to you, so call me back. Or come see me! His voice got excited at the prospect. I’m bored out of my mind, the boys have been round, but they’re not you. So, yeah, I’ll be here...waiting. Call me.’

Harry waited for three days.