I don't understand

Just let me love you

Louis’ phone rang for the 10th time that day and as he felt the buzzing in his back pocket he knew he should answer the phone, that it was the right thing to do, but he couldn’t. The masochistic part of Louis knew he was only prolonging the inevitable so he could have more time with Harry, even though he didn’t really have Harry. But then again, it was better than the no contact they would have once their answer had been delivered to Simon.

Only 4 days to go.

The phone shut off suddenly and it started beeping, alerting Louis to an answer phone message. He sighed deeply and lifted his bum off the stool, fishing for his phone in his back pocket. He retrieved it and dialled his answer phone without checking the missed calls and texts he knew were all from Harry.

There was heavy breathing but when the slow drawl crackled over the phone Louis’ heart was punctuated and he gasped for breath, feeling like he had been knifed. “Louisss please,” Harry sniffed sounding impossibly young and hurt, “I can’t-god I can’t breathe without you. I can’t do anything. I just need to see you, please please-I-please Lou, I remember everything.”

Louis screwed his eyes closed and pressed the disconnect button rapidly, unable to hear anymore of Harry’s speech. They needed to talk, Louis knew they needed to talk he just didn’t think he had the strength to do it anymore.

He was lost.

And Harry had always been his compass guiding him home. Now he couldn’t have Harry, Louis just didn’t know what to do with his life.

An uneven knock on his door jolted Louis out of his deep thoughts. Louis tugged his hoodie tighter around him in the brisk evening air and stumbled towards the door unhappily, expecting it was one of the boys desperately trying to fix the unfixable. Louis swung open the door and his heart stuttered.

Harry.

Harry raised his watery emerald orbs to Louis’ as the door was jerked open and they connected with a jolt of electricity. Harry tried for a smile but the insincere curving of his puffy lips just made him seem even more miserable. Louis was struck by how small his best friend seemed, considering he was nearing 6 foot and certainly a lot taller than Louis, he seemed to be curling in on himself, shrinking into his shell. Louis kept a hold of the door handle, clutching it tightly like a lifeline as he observed the still silent. “What are you doing here?” He asked lowly, uselessly, already knowing the answer.

“I left you a voicemail.” Harry mumbled slowly, painfully, eyes yet to disconnect from Louis’. “I need to talk to you,” He added after the silence stretched on too long, punctuated only by their heavy breathing, loud in the silent hallway.

“I-“ Louis took a deep, steadying breath, fingers curling into the fabric of his t-shirt to calm himself further. “What is there left to say?” He shrugged helplessly, his t-shirt sliding off his shoulder it was so loose on his frame. Harry’s orbs darted to the piece of exposed flesh and Louis quickly tugged his hoodie to cover it, feeling strangely exposed.

“Everything,” Harry whispered cryptically, dragging his eyes back up to Louis’ anguished face. “Please Boobear,” Harry begged, crowding into the doorway of Louis’ flat, fingers outstretched like they were itching to caress his skin.

“Don’t call me that!” Louis snapped back sharply, cerulean orbs flaming with anger. Harry flinched and stumbled backwards a step but Louis refused to let the guilt at hurting his best friend override the resentment. “You gave up the right to call me that when you kicked me out of our home.” Louis continued more softly but no less sharply, arms folding over his chest for protection and maybe to keep his thudding heart inside his chest.