I don't understand

Better

There a knock on the hospital room door and Louis lifted his sleepy head from where it had been buried in Harry’s curls. “Come in,” He croaked, groaning softly as he shifted and his knees cracked, unused to being used.

The nurse from earlier popped her head around the door, “I was just letting you know visiting hours are over and I think Mr Styles needs his bed.” She nodded to the softly snoring boy in Louis’ arms with a soft look in her eyes. Louis nodded and gently shook Harry’s shoulder, trying to rouse him from his sleep.

“Whaa?” Harry yawned, blinking open his red rimmed, puffy eyes. His gaze landed on Louis and warmed up, a smile stretching his thin, pink lips.

“Visiting hours are over Harry, I need to go.” The change in Harry was instantaneous. His soft sleepy muscles locked rigid and his fingers dug into Louis side, fisting his jumper in his hands so Louis couldn’t leave. His face turned desperate and his breathing rate accelerated.

“Don’t go, you can’t go.” Harry stuttered frantically, wide, scared eyes boring into Louis. “Please don’t leave me,” He begged, clutching Louis to him like he was going to disappear again. He couldn’t lose Louis again, especially not knowing how or why he lost him.

Louis looked helplessly at the nurse, not knowing how he could stand either option. She spent a moment looking over Harry, who was completely tense, shaking lightly and looking a hundred times worse that he had when Louis had been holding him. Clearly he needed Louis...and it looked like Louis needed him to from the way he cradled the boy in his arms.

She clucked gently, “I’ll bring in a cot, but don’t tell anyone! And you’d better go straight to sleep!” She warned, waggling a figure at the two boys. Harry nodded eagerly, a smile painted on his lips, his face lighting up as soon as she said Louis could stay.

The nurse returned a minute later, wheeling a cot and found Harry on the phone to his mother, reassuring her he was fine and he’d see her in the morning. Louis, clutched his spare hand, stroking it soothingly, but the...broken expression on his face was indicative of the turmoil that was going on below the surface. The turmoil that apparently Harry was unaware of. The nurse offered him a smile, which he returned sadly and gestured to the clock and Harry, remind him that they both needed sleep. Louis quite agreed with her, he was exhausted, he hadn’t slept properly since...well since he left Harry. He didn’t like sleeping alone, not at all. 

Harry put down the phone with a soft goodbye and turned to face Louis, eyes soft and face open. There was a silence where they both just stared at each other, memorising each other’s faces like they weren’t painted upon the others hearts.

Then Harry opened his mouth.

“I don’t understand,” He whispered, his hand becoming clammy in Louis’, “Why you’d ever leave us...why you’d-you’d stop talking to me. I’m your best friend, I thought nothing would ever break us apart...” Harry looked so lost, Louis had to physically restrain himself from throwing himself at the boy and kissing it all better. But that was what had got them into this mess.

“You really don’t remember...anything?” Louis questioned softly, almost disbelievingly. Would fate really be as cruel as to make him relive it all? Or maybe this was a second chance, to do it right?

“No,” Harry stated roughly, frustrated. “I woke up and asked for you. And then Liam told me,” His voice broke a little here, emotion clogging up his throat, “told me that you hadn’t spoken to me in 3 months, you’d moved out and the band was broken up. And I don’t remember a fucking thing about it. The last thing I remember is being on tour with my best friends.”

Louis’ heart broke again, but then hardened. It was Harry who had hurt him not the other way around. But Harry was in pain, and confused. This was not the time to rehash the very events that would tear them apart, again. Louis honestly didn’t know how he was going to survive it this time. Maybe he was a masochist for not walking out of the hospital room the moment he realised Harry didn’t remember, didn’t remember how he’d fucking torn out Louis’ heart and stomped on it, but he loved Harry too damn much to deny him anything. “Harry, the doctor said we should try and keep you as calm as possible until you’re fully healed. I don’t think now is the best time to bring up the past.”

Harry turned away his head angrily, a bitter frown turning his lips downwards. “So I’m just meant to pretend like you didn’t abandon me, like I meant nothing to you.”

“That’s not what happened!” Louis replied hotly, “I couldn’t stay! You didn’t want me to stay.” The last sentence was added quietly and Harry’s eyes widened, shocked.

“That can’t be true, I wouldn’t...”

He trailed off and Louis released a bitter laugh, dragging a hand over his face wearily. “You did, trust me, I remember.” There was an awkward tense silence where neither knew what to say or how to act. “Let’s just go to bed, ok? We’ll talk about this in the morning.” Louis whispered, defeated and tired of fighting.

Harry nodded and Louis helped him into his bed, before sliding into his own. Harry grabbed his wrist, “Sleep with me?” His tone was pleading, but Louis closed his eyes and hardened his heart; it wouldn’t make letting him go again any easier.

“I don’t think we should Harry.”

“Please, my head hurts and I’m confused and you’re the only thing that can make me feel better.” Harry looked so small and vulnerable in the hospital bed that Louis just couldn’t leave him alone. He gave Harry a defeated nod and crawled into the bed, trying to hold back the tidal waves of memories of the two of them, just cuddling together and talking and laughing. He tried to put some spaced between them but Harry shuffled backwards until he was curled against Louis body and Louis arm was tucked tightly around him, Harry’s fingers still clutching his wrist. “Better,” Harry half sighed, relaxing completely into Louis’ body and going to sleep. Louis hated to agree with Harry but he felt better than he had in ages, 3 months to be exact.