I don't understand

Home?

The nurse smiled widely, “Good news. Everything seems normal so you are free to go home. All we need is to see you in 4-6 weeks.” A relieved smile broke across the group’s faces as they hugged Harry, all talking at once in excited voices. No-one seemed to notice Harry’s smile diminish as he checked his phone again with no word from the only person he really wanted to see. Louis.  

Harry lifted his gaze and everyone was staring at his expectantly. “Harry...?” Anne questioned, running a hand through his curls gently. “What do you think?”

Harry cleared his throat, his voice still slightly raspy and sore. “About what?”

“Coming home for a while.” Harry felt panic start to rise in his chest, going home meant being far away from Lou. He needed to sort this out and he couldn’t do that in Cheshire.

Liam, reliable Liam, noticed Harry’s panic stricken face and quickly interjected, “Or Harry could go back to his apartment, me, Niall and Zayn are only minutes away so we’d keep an eye on him.” Harry looked up, relief obvious in his green orbs. His mum considered him for a moment before sighing softly and nodding.

“Ok, but you’ll call if you need anything. Anything at all.” She looked to all of them for confirmation, not just Harry. They were still family, despite what had happened.

~*~

Harry was drunk. Completely fucked off his head. He’d gone home and everything had been fine until the boys had left for the night, and he was all alone in the place that used to be his and Lou’s sanctuary. Every room held memories of him, despite him removing all of his things he couldn’t remove his presence. Harry was struck by how empty and non-home like it felt without Lou. So he got drunk and hoped the pain would go away.

It didn’t.

~*~

Louis bolted upright and smacked his head on his headboard. Cursing loudly he fell out of bed, his legs tangling in his covers as he searched blindly for his phone, still clutching his aching head. He finally found it and the number of the screen was unknown, he frowned but unlocked his phone. “Hello?” His voice was scratchy from sleep and held an irritable tone, half to do with the pain pounding in his head and the other half to do with the hour of the night it was. Who called him at 3.45 in the morning!?

“Looooooooooooouis” The familiar voice drawled and Louis’ heart literally stopped beating. “Loooooooooooooooouis I wanted-hiccup-I wanted to come to your house but I don’t know, where ‘ouse is because it’s not with meeeee.” He was drunk. Fan-fucking-tastic. You never knew what drunk Harry would do, he had no inhibitions whatsoever.

“Harry, you need to go to bed, you’re drunk.”

“Only if you come with me,” Louis could hear the cheeky grin on his face. Harry also turned on the charm when he was drunk, he would hit on anything with two legs. His voice had dropped an octave and the seductive slur made him shiver with need. “I need you Louuuu, I need you Boo. Mmmm need boobear.”

Louis’ felt the crack in his heart widen. He gripped his phone tightly, his knuckles turning white with the pressure. He tried to keep his voice steady but he failed miserably. “Harry go to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow.”He ignored the voice in his head which called him a liar.

There was a silence and Louis thought Harry might have hung up but his voice startled Louis. “But you won’t will you Louis?” His voice was innocent and sad; he didn’t seem drunk anymore.

“What?” Louis’ voice cracked.

“You said you’d come, I waited. I waited Lou and you didn’t come, you left me all alone.” His voice was pitiful and Louis had never felt like a more horrible person in his entire life. But Harry didn’t know what he’d done to him, what he’d said. Harry had broken his heart.

“I don’t understand what I did to make you stop loving me. You, you told me you’d never leave.” Louis heard little gasping sobs and wrapped his arms around himself, letting his own tears fall down his face. What was he doing to Harry? He couldn’t stand causing him pain. After everything, he never wanted Harry to suffer.

“I never stopped loving you.” Louis admitted quietly, but the sounds of Harry crying didn’t abate and Louis wondered whether he even heard his admission. Louis couldn’t stand this. He stood up violently and grabbed his car keys, not stopping in case cowardice over took him. “I’ll be right over Haz, just hold on.”

Fifteen minutes later Louis strode up to the door of his old apartment, not allowing himself to think anything through in case he turned away and left Harry alone, again. He knocked on the door with bated breath.

The door swung open and Harry was standing there, looking like a wreck with tear stains, a dirty crumpled shirt and no pants, but a beautiful wreck. He was looking at Louis like the sun shined in his very eyes. “You came.” Louis wasn’t sure if Harry had actually said the words or whether the truth was painted so plainly on his face that Louis just knew, but they broke the spell. Louis threw himself into Harry’s arms, which clutched him so tightly he couldn’t breathe. But, he could never breathe when he wasn’t with Harry.

Louis kicked the door behind them closed and guided them to the sofa. Harry’s face was buried in his neck but Louis could feel the slight wetness that his shirt was absorbing. Harry was crying. Louis could not make out the words of his drunk rambling so he just let Harry crawl onto his lap and held him tightly, not wanting to let him go. Ever.

Eventually, the sky started to turn pink and Louis was too uncomfortable to say in the same position. He nudged Harry’s shoulder gently and lowered his lips to his ear, “Harry, lets go to bed.” Harry’s eyelids fluttered but he didn’t open his eyes, instead he buried his head further into Louis’ chest, his lips ghosting over his exposed collarbone. Louis sighed, but he didn’t really mind; he was used to carrying Harry to bed by now. Louis walked carefully through the dark, carrying the much lighter boy than he was used to to his bedroom. This route was so familiar to Louis, it caused a bittersweet feeling to take over his body. He lay Harry down on his bed and yanked his t-shirt off. He debated pulling off Harry’s boxers, knowing he preferred to sleep naked, but decided against it; that would just be too much temptation. Louis turned to go but Harry’s hand caught his wrist, “Stay.” He demanded, no ordered. This bit was familiar too. It would be so easier to just crawl into bed and snuggle, like they used to. Well, he did need to keep an eye on Harry, he rationalised. He’d already caved and come over, he might as well have one more night of Harry’s warmth. Louis quickly stripped down to his boxers and crawled over Harry, into his side of the bed. Harry made a noise of discontent and shuffled backwards until his back was pressed against Louis’ chest. He twined their legs together and interlaced his fingers with Louis’, pulling the older boys arm until it held him securely. “G’night,” He sighed happily, pressing his lips to Louis’ bicep in a sleepy kiss. Louis didn’t reply, he simply held him tightly and prayed for the strength to be able to leave again in the morning.