The Tattoo // Joshler AU

Chapter Five

Josh's POV

I froze. There those fateful letters were, right of his wrist. Had I really found him? Some unintelligible words spluttered out of my mouth before I turned on my heel and fled towards my apartment.

As my head raced, trying to comprehend the enormity of my discovery, my phone buzzed in my hand. Oh. It's Chase, Debby's brother. He's a good laugh, a party animal and a total hunk.

"You alright?" Chase's voice spilled through the phone into my ears.

"Yeah, you?" I replied distractedly, only half-listening to whatever he replied with.

"Yeah... So you coming tonight?" Some previous mumblings about some new nightclub replayed through my brain, and before I knew it, I'd replied.

"Yep. See you there at 9." Ugh, I thought, another night in some sweaty club, dancing with random strangers and trying to avoid sleazy men. What had I done? All I wanted was to watch Fight Club and eat ice cream, and now I had to go to some stupid club. I sighed.

~~~~~

Back at my apartment, I rifled through my extensive wardrobe, trying to find a cute outfit. Getting ready usually boosted my mood, but apparently not tonight. Nothing seemed to go together, and I was slowly getting more frustrated.

Finally, I decided on a simple blue and white polka dot button down, paired with black skinny jeans. After checking my hair and grabbing my keys, I headed to the door. Once at the actual club, I tried to locate Chase, Debby, and Spencer amongst the other club-goers.

Honestly, clubbing was my bad habit. Trying to drink your life away never works out in the end. All it does is ruin the next day. I finally found my friends, who, luckily for me, had gotten seats and a round of shots.

I downed it, spurred on by the grins and cheers of my friends. Debby dragged me out to the dance floor, in amongst the many people, making me feel almost suffocated by the stale air and stench of sweat.

The next few hours were just blurs of colorful strobe lights and alcohol. Song after song, shot after shot, and soon enough I was grinding on some unnamed guy. In my alcohol-clouded brain, whatever he had whispered to me was completely lost.

I nodded absently to whatever question he'd asked, and let him lead me out of the club and into a taxi he called. When we reached wherever we were going, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the cab.

Leading me up the stairs, he kissed me roughly, and I stupidly kissed back. Suddenly, everything was a haze of bright lights, and the heavy beating of my heart. A few hours passed, and with them, coherent thought, and then I was floating, unknowing and unfeeling.

~~~~~

I woke up to a pounding headache, and the overwhelming feeling of regret and guilt. I inched out of the bed, quickly gathered up my scattered clothes, leaving the stranger, and, with him, my carelessness. I was feeling absurdly guilty, and I didn't know why.

As usual after a night out, I had several messages, mostly from Debby, checking that I was okay. In reality, I wasn't. I'd had a realization, or maybe an existential crisis of sorts. I just couldn't stop thinking about how I was empty.

I'm pretty sure that I'll never find my soulmate. I'll never know him. Never be held by him. I'm pretty sure that I'm going to die, and alone, at that. Because Debby had Spencer, and Elisa had Patrick, and, possibly worst of all, Tyler had his soulmate.

Not that I wasn't happy for all of my friends, because of course I wanted them to experience love... It was more the fact that I couldn't be happy with them. It made me jealous.

But, even if there was a tiny bit of hope that maybe Tyler had it all wrong, I had to know about it. If I can, I'm going to find him some day. Just to check and make sure that he isn't the one, so that I can spend the last few months of my life not regretting something I never did.

~~~~~

Once back in my apartment, I logged on to Tumblr, as per usual. After scrolling through my dashboard for something that might lift my spirits, I gave up, sitting out on my little balcony, overlooking the lights, and letting the city sounds wash over me.

My thoughts wandered to Tyler once again. The coffee guy. My possible, but unlikely, soulmate. He was my ideal guy. Tall, but not a giant, gorgeous smile and hella strong hair game. Amazing fashion sense, and gorgeous lips. Lips that are probably kissing his soulmate right now.

Damnit.

And even though I knew that he was taken, even though I knew that it was hopeless to even think about, I daydreamed of the look of recognition and curiosity in his eyes. I daydreamed of his tall body pressed into mine. I daydreamed of his piercing eyes looking caringly into mine. I daydreamed.

And then I dreamed.