November

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by angelmexicana

by angelmexicana

                                    
                                               November 10, 2017  
                          Dear Diary,         
                              Today I saw my friends, I was walking out of school when I saw them. We all went to the same college but I had different classes than them. We barely saw each other due to their busy schedule. They asked me how I was, and like always I lied. I smiled and I laugh all fake but they didn't know, there was no way they could tell that it was fake, I am a professional at behind fake.
                          If you asked them to describe me, they probably tell you that I'm always happy, always smiling and joking around but that's just the version of myself that I have created for them and for my family, for them, I am everything that I am not. 
                          Why should I let them see the real me? The real me is nothing but worthless. They wouldn't understand me either, they will judge me and hate me because I'm gross.
                          Wouldn't you hate me if you knew? I know and I hate myself. They would ask questions like why didn't you tell someone? Why did you let him keep doing it? and I would have to give them an explanation that I don't have. 
                          I hate his touches but my body doesn't. My body becomes wet when his hands are on me, it betrays me every time he does it. It likes the pressure of feeling wanted but I hate who it comes from and it just makes it 10 times worse. I feel guilty and dirty but no matter how much I clean my body it won't ever be clean.
                              Sincerely,
                                    Mia