Wishing for More Good Days

Fallen Leaves

A/N if you want play the song hold me tight piano version 

Time skip to a few weeks after the concert.

(Journal)

Dear Journal, 

It's crazy that I'm actually writing in you. I haven't wrote in you since my mother.......yeah im just gonna not finish that. Don't wanna start crying. Well my father found out about the concert which I mean I knew he would. He always has been able to know what I'm doing at all points I swear. He wasn't very happy with it. I won't go into to much detail on what he did and said, but it just broke my heart the things he called me. It didn't matter how hard he hit me. The words he said broke my heart. It ached. I've been feeling a bit down lately. Journal if only he understood me. If only he really cared about me. I wrote a letter to BTS I just haven't sent it. It would be more or less the last of me. It's so sad how I put up a front for people to see and yet people see straight through that like it was paper thin. If only I was as strong as my idols. They deal with people everyday that will bash them but it never gets to them......Idk any more. I try to push on everyday but it seems I'm slowly getting weaker. The fire of my soul is slowly burning out. Growing dimmer and dimmer as we speak. Though I have my friends and BTS, it's just. I know they love me. I love them all. Just don't know how much more I can take of it before my flame finally burns out and can't be relit. My body feels numb, my hands always cold, my heart feels like an empty hole where something once was. 

*CRASH*

I sigh and close my journal and hid it under my bed along with my letter for BTS. My father must be home again. I take a deep breath before I come out to see him before he has to yell for me. 

I come down the stairs to see my dad on the couch with a beer in on hand and a cigarette in the other. I look to my left and see a glass pan shattered. I lower my head before going to pick up the glass pan. Its funny how seeing the glass scattered all over the floor is how I feel. Broken. Never able to be fixed. I throw it into a garbage bag and take it outside. 

The feeling of the cool air always brought life to me, but today it just made me more cold then before. I sat outside for a while on the steps and rested my head on a pillar closing my eyes for what seemed like a brief moment. 

I finally opened my eyes and walked back inside. Luckily the drunk was asleep. 

I walked over to him and draped a blanket over him and threw away the beer bottles. Though I hated him, he still was my father. I can't do nothing to change that. I then turned back and went back upstairs to my room. 

I haven't seen Dawn or Emma sense the concert. Since my dad found out about the concert, he made me drop school and start homeschooling. I'm mostly not allowed out of the house unless he needs me to pick him something up. I miss them. I still text them everyday, but it is almost like the connections we had at school were so strong and now that we're no longer able to talk, only through a screen...idk. It hurts not seeing them. 

My phone shows a green light telling me somebody messaged me. Speak of the devils. 

Dawn: Hey girl. I miss you. How have you been? 

Me: I miss you too. I'm doing just fine.

Emma: I miss you too ya know lol. We should figure out somehow to hang out?

Dawn: YESSSSSS

Me: Guys you know I can't if he knew I was out hanging out with you guys he would have a fit. I love you guys but I really can't talk right now and I'm tired ok? Night

Emma: hey don't leave please

*Jess has left the group chat*