Not So Different

Ch. 10

Chapter 10: when things went awry

"Rae."

I tensed at the voice – my whole body stilling, sobs and all – having been subjected to his unfaithfulness just moments before. Nothing could have prepared me for that kind of betrayal.

"What do you want," Ray growled, glaring, and pulled me tighter against him protectively.

As far as I knew, I haven't introduced Ray to my now ex-boyfriend, but as usual it didn't surprise me that he recognized him anyway. Daniel was standing there, looking very guilty with his hands stuffed deep into his pockets.

I was still swallowed up in warm arms, but I pushed Ray aside and stood up. I had to do this by myself.

Taking the time to dust myself to prolong the inevitable, I slowly gazed up at him. "What do you want, Daniel," I said coldly, taking in his disheveled hair that was probably tangled in wandering fingers just prior.

"Rae, I'm sorry," he scratched the back of his head, looking rather remorseful but I didn't care. "You weren't supposed to see that."

I faked a smile, "it's okay," I spat, "I don't mind."

It hurt like a bitch, but he didn't need to know that he had successfully ruined me.

"Really, Rae. I know what I did was wrong, but I tried to tell you," he stepped forward and tried to grab my hand but I pulled away. "Please."

"No!" I hissed, willing myself to keep my cool but I lost it when I grabbed his collar and pulled him close until our faces were inches apart. "What you did was put the blame on me and said that I was the problem. You made me think that I had changed when the one that changed was all you. You made me question myself and doubt my self-worth when what I should have been paying attention to was your inability to stay faithful. But that's only my opinion," I added afterwards, "so please, enlighten me on your part of the story."

"I-" he started but stopped. "Rae, you have to believe me when I say that I tried, but you were crying and you know how much I hate to see you cry. So I kept it to myself. Please, baby."

"Don't call me that. And news flash, Daniel Gordan Smith, trying isn't enough when you had no intention to stay together anyway. I don't care if I'm crying, laughing or dead for that matter, I deserve to know the truth." My voice cracked but I tried my best to cover it up.

"You're right. I'm a dick, I know that. Forgive me, please," he practically begged, but I wasn't having it. He wasn't the victim, I was. He cheated on me. "I was weak and I took the easy way out, I shouldn't have done that."

"No," I agreed, pushing him back and he stumbled a few steps, "you shouldn't have. And no, I won't forgive you. Not now at least," I said as an afterthought. I was never one to hold a grudge for long, but he hurt me really bad. "Maybe someday I would."

"Thank you," he said, relieved.

"Leave. And just in case you didn't get the memo, I'm agreeing to the breakup. Goodbye, Daniel," I told him with finality.

He nodded and left as requested, his back slowly retreating around the bend. With one last look, he disappeared around the corner and just as he was out of earshot I collapse and my brave and confrontational persona broke down, leaving me a crumpling mess again.

Ray held me up before I fell. As usual, my knight in shining armour.

One that I totally forgot was there.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," I muttered, settling in the warmth of his arms.

He shrugged, "I don't mind. Honestly," he chuckled, "I thought it was entertaining, and you should know that I thought you were incredible for standing up to him like that. He deserves everything he got."