Siemba ; Unwritten

Six ·|||

Lotus

We lay there cuddled after hours of intimacy and I couldn't help falling asleep. I loved sleeping just like I loved the feeling of waking up in Angelo's arms, him caressing my hair and making me feel like every strand was a new story willing to be read and learned about. I traced his tattoos with my fingers as I reached over and grabbed our food, it was actually still warm. We ate as I began to get curious about everything, I chewed my noodles as I spoke up.

"'Lo?"

He looked up at me from his food, "Yeah Ma'?"

"Why are you so interested in me all of a sudden?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Who said it was all of a sudden?"

"Well I'd just met you a few weeks ago and you haven't shown interest until we had our sleepover on your week to watch me."

"That don't got nothing to do with when I became interested Ma'. I think you need to ask when I became interested. Cause nothing is all of a sudden."

"Well... When did you become interested in me?"

"Two years ago on my first day of school when Amir told me you was off limits cause you belonged to Howard. But I ain't see how if y'all was never even together."

If you took a good look at 'Lo, you'd think he was the dumbest nigga around... until he opened his mouth. he was actually quite propper.

"Why did you wait to say anything to me about it?"

"I wanted to be sure I wouldn't cause no shit but then again as I sat back and watched shit happen, you kept getting fucked over and Howard kept messing with Hannah and the team. You went through shit everyday that not even Amir can understand that I'm dying to know about Ma'. Nobody even noticed or knew that shit besides Kennedy. I mean yeah I talked to her about you all the time but the main thing she tells me is to come to you. Apparently when you trust a nigga, you're an open book. I know about the rapes . I know you don't trust nobody. I know you know the fact that I can see how broken you are. But I want to know everything, all of your fears, your flaws that you hate, your goals, your talents, your questions, your emotions... And what you're always writing about in that journal with the music designs. Let me be your reader Lotus. Let me answer your questions."

I couldn't help but to be So interested.. I also couldn't help the fact that I gave myself to Angelo and don't regret anything about it even though Howard is trying to be with me on a serious note. The best thing to do is just to do me. Well for now... But I can't help but question Angelo's morals.

"What exactly are you saying 'Lo? I can't just ditch Howard and go for his bro. I can't just forget what we did. I know what I want to do, but I need to know what you're trying to do."

"I'm fine with not being with you right now. I'm okay with you being with Howard. Shit, I'll stay in the friend zone as long as you know where we stand and how we are with our friendship. I never planned on forgetting the fact that you're mine. I established that earlier when I tasted it. But I wanna be the nigga to know you like the back of my hand. That's what I'm saying."

''No nigga can stand all of me, why do you think Howard hasn't gotten it yet?''

''Can't handle a down ass chick, what's y'all story anyway? From your point of view? 'Cause Howard just says you be trippin', but it's deeper than that... Isn't it?''

Why is this nigga figuring me out so well? Amir hadn't even figured me out this quick. He stared at me still as I began to answer his question.

''Okay, back in freshmen year we had little feelings for each other and he hadn't acted on them towards me until the very last day of school by waiting for the very last bell to bring me in by my waist, kiss my lips, nose, and forehead before slinging his arm over my shoulder. I could only reach his neck so I only managed to kiss the nape of his neck. Throughout the summer we talked off and on and then sophomore year we actually talked. That was when he got comfortable. The games started and he started giving other hoes attention, the attention that only I deserved or was in place for. It was like the more interested, and deeper my feelings became, the more he was all over Hannah or Casey. So I left him alone for a while even though my feelings got deep. But the minute Amir mentioned the fact that guys wanted to get at me, or have me, he was all under me and claiming me and whatnot.''

''Like you're his property?''

''Exactly. Then one day he texted me in the morning and we'd been texting that whole day. I slept over with Kennedy and her mom that night.'' I reached to grab my phone and went to the file of screenshots I'd take of our conversation that night. I got mad just thinking about it again.

Breonne : What you doin'?

Babe : Watching spongebob. The new one came on tonight Baby.

Breonne : OMG I love spongebob too but I'm making Kennedy watch The Notebook with me.

Babe : Lol Ole cornball softie ass.

Breonne : I just love the old fashion necessities of loooovveee. So pure.

Babe : You gone let me fuck you old fashion?

Breonne : We're not even together. You would know that I'd do what I can if you let me be yours.

Babe : How many times I gotta tell you I'm just a fuck up?

Breonne : How many times I gotta tell you, if you care or have deep feelings, or if I mean something to you, then you'll do whatever the fuck you can to change yourself? Or your ways for that matter?

Babe : You do mean something to me.

Breonne : My virginity means something to me. Just as you do.

Babe : Then why don't you give it to me since I mean so much to you?

Breonne : Why don't you be with me and then maybe I'll think about it after a while?

Babe : Because you're not risking nothing for me. I'm serious Lotus.

Breonne : So what? You think cause I got something for you, I'll give it up and it'll all be done and over with?

Babe : .....

Breonne : Fuck You Howard.

By the time 'Lo was done reading, he looked just as pissed as I did.

''To this day, I don't know why I stayed... by the time I'd fallen so deep, he hadn't cared about me or anything I did anymore. And the next day he pursued a relationship with Hannah and then Casey.''

He looked at me after the few minutes he used to get his anger out of his system. He looked more confused than angry after a while. I stared at him as he spoke again after all this time of him not saying anything.

''Why the fuck he want you now? Why the fuck you considering being with his no good ass? Are you crazy? He can hurt you worse now that you thinkin' 'bout getting back with him. What happens if he rapes you cause you won't put out? What happens if he hurts you again?''

He ranted. 

''I should be the one asking all this. But you know if anything does happen then you and Amir can handle it. And I know you both know Kennedy get down too. Girl can do some dammage. If he does anything, I'll be fine. Okay? You don't even have to worry.''

He stayed silent for that next minute. Still staring at me with those eyes, ofcourse. I stared back silently pleading for his okay to just try with Howard again for the last time. My final time. After another moment of staring at one another, he brought my eyes to attention again by pointing to them.

''Why do they keep flashing green? It's like you zone out and then they flash for a slight second before flashing back to the almond but the green lingers for a few seconds.''

''I don't know how to explain such a reason yet. Ask Kennedy first.''