Toxic Lips [l.h]

f o r t y s i x

"Alaska," Connor's voice echoes through the phone. "How nice of you to call."

 "C-can you meet me?" I rush out, my heart beating wildly.

"Meet you?" He pauses. "Where?"

"Uh...' I look around me. "The coffee shop on the corner of eighth and seventy fourth."

"Alright."

I hang up and walk to the corner, taking a seat outside of the coffee shop. I can't believe I'm doing this. Connor is a major reason, if not the only reason I left Perth in the first place. And yet, here I am, waiting for him to meet me at a damn coffee shop.

My thoughts wander to Luke. Believe it or not, I actually anticipate seeing him when I get home. He's honestly proved to be a decent friend, and I think I was in need of one. But there's always that little nagging part of me that wants to know more about him. He has so many secrets, I know it. Every time I learn something new about him, I stil seem to be faced with a thousand other things that leave me in the dark. 

He's like the moon; part of him is always hidden.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes in my lap and I pick it up hurriedly.

"Hello?"

"Hey, your mail got put in my box again. What did I tell you about letting that happen?"

Luke's playful tone calms my nerves slightly and I laugh. "Sorry," I say. "Just put it under my door or something."

"Very well," he says, and there's some rustling on the other end. 

"Luke?" I blurt out.

"Hmm?"

"Do you... do you believe in me?" I can't believe I'm actually saying this.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm about to do something... something big. Do you believe I can do it?"

Luke is silent for a few moments. "Of course you can do it."

His words send a rush of joy through me. The fact that he didn't ask me what it was I was doing, he didn't question me at all, makes a strong feeling of fondness toward him bubble inside me. 

"That's exactly what I needed to hear," I breathe. "Thank you, Luke."

"Any time, Allie," he says, I can hear the smile in his voice. 

"I have to go. Again, sorry about the mail," I smile. 

"You'd better be sorry, you have a shit load of magazine subscriptions, and I haven't even heard of half of them!"

"Bye Luke," I laugh. 

"Bye Allie."

I hang up and sigh, my nerves slightly calmed by the sound of Luke's voice. 

"Alaska Andrews."

I snap up and internally cringe when I meet Connor's gaze. He smirks down at me, his tall frame towering over me. My prior nerves return in a smashing tidal wave. 

"Sit," I say simply, and he complies, taking a seat across from me at the small table.

"So," he says, leaning back in his chair. "What can I do for you?"

"I need you to tell Elise the truth."

His eyebrows raise. "Truth about what?"

"You know what."

He reclines in his seat, a large smirk on his face. "And why would I do that?"

"Because it's been a fucking year, Connor. How much longer are you going to keep this up? It's practically destroying my family!"

"What's in it for me?"

"Why does there have to be something in it for you?"

"Alaska, I think you're forgetting what happened that night."

"I'm not forgetting anything, Connor! Just give it up, alright? Please," my voice cracks silently at the end.

Connor's jaw clenches. "I don't know, Allie," he says, and I feel like passing out at the pet name.

I suddenly feel a rush of anger. This boy is the cause of so much conflict, so much pain, and I've had it. Luke's words swirl in my mind. 

Of course you can do it.

"You know what Connor?" I ask, standing from my seat. "You're pathetic. You're carrying around these lies with you everywhere you go, and you don't give a shit about the effect it's having on me even a year after. You never even loved Elise. How could you? You wouldn't have done what you did if you really loved her,' I spit.

Connor looks taken aback by my outburst, and I'm glad. I'm glad I shocked him, I'm glad hes su surprised that he's silent.

Submissive Alaska is finally telling him what he needs to hear. 

"Just tell her the truth," I say. "Just be a fucking man for once and tell Elise the goddamn truth!"

I grab my bag from the table and pull my coat tighter around me. 

"I leave tomorrow," I tell him. "I'd prefer it if you tell her by then."

I turn on my heel and stalk down the street, not even waiting for a reply. 

I hang my coat up on the rack when I step into my parent's apartment. My mother steps out of the kitchen to see who it is, and her eyes soften in relief.

"Alaska, thank god," she says, pulling me into a big hug. "I had no idea where you went! I--"

"Mum, I'm twenty years old," I laugh in her hair. 

"I know, I know," she pulls back to look at me. "But you'll always be my little girl."

I suddenly feel like crying at my mother's statement. I had never considered that it would be hard for her for me to move all the way across the country... She must have been so heartbroken when I was so eager to leave. 

"I'm sorry about acting like such a child about you and Dad," I say.

"I'm sorry for keeping it from you," she says, nodding. "That wasn't right."

I feel like a different person. Regular Alaska would never have called Connor, or openly apologised to my mother. Regular Alaska would have shut herself in her room and wasted time editing songs for work. Regular Alaska would still be dating Tyler and hating on Luke. 

I'm beginning to hate regular Alaska.

A burst of courage erupts inside me and I walk away from my mother, stopping at Elise's door.

"What are you doing?" My mother asks.

"Curing bad blood," I say as I pound my knuckles against Elise's door.