Cheryls POV:
I stopped and stayed silent for about 10 minute. She never took her eyes off me. I knew what i wanted to say, i just didn't know how to tell her the right way. I mean how do you tell someone after 10 years that your completely in love with them. Everytime you see her you want to just tell her and get it out there, you just want to caress her cheek and slowly bring her into a kiss where you can show just how much she means.
"You know what Cheryl just go home. We keep going around in circles and its no good for any of us."
"I don't want to, i need to tell you but i dont know how."
"You dont know how? Cheryl it's me just tell me because im breaking here."
I still didnt say anything, it didn't help that Jean was coming into my head too. I did and do love Kim but i have a husband and vows which weighed heavily on my decision.
"Im catching that flight back to LA." She sighed throwing more things into a bag.
Thats where i panic.
"No,no i can tell you i promise i can."
"I dont want you saying it without meaning it."
"No i do Kim i would've meant it 8 years ago if i'd had told you."
"Told me what?" She asks stopping what she was doing and solely focusing on me.
"That you're amazing, that i've never not felt anything other than love for you. That i wish i was who you are. Your personality, your looks, just everything about you makes my heart skip a beat. That when im with you i have to be close to you because i can't stand us being away from eachother."
"If you feel all that why not tell me? Whydidnt you make me happy all those years ago? Why be such a bitch to me these past weeks and why...why the hell would you marry him!!" She says getting slightly angry towards the end.
"I dont know and i know that doesnt make up for it but i dont know. I couldn't break up you and Justin, i was scared, you deserve better than what i could give you, what else becuase theres loads of reasons."
"Chez, your like my perfect match. I wouldn't want anyone else i dont want anyone else. You are good enough way more than good enough."
"You deserve an easy life babe you wont get that with me."
"I dont care babe. I would change everything for you. I love you, i love your family, and that overules everything else. Why cant you get into this Chez. Me and you thats how its always really been."
She comes over to me taking my hand in hers, entwining our fingers.She runs her finger over my wedding ring.
"I want too. I'm scared and i know because of that i will make so many mistakes."
"I dont care...Look at me....I love you Cheryl Tweedy. I dont care what you do i always will feel love for you."
"Im not tweedy." I whisper and she drops my hand and grabs the last of her things throwing them into her bag, sniffling the tears as she does so.
"Look how it makes you feel Kim. It makes you sick! You cant look at me so how the hell could we be together."
"If you loved me you'd find a way to make it work. You would end it with him."
"Can't we try for a while behind his back, i know this sounds bad but cant we have an affair to see if this is what we want. To see if i can do this. I can't break up with him now."
"Im not being a bit on the side Chez. You knock it off with him and we can be happy together and be in real love or we just dont go there and i can start a fresh in LA."
"I need time Kim i cant hurt him."
"If youd have got over yourself 8 years ago we wouldnt be in this situation."
I watch as she carries on gathering things from parts of the house and getting nearer to leaving me. I think of how good life would be with her, how great things would go because of how well we get on. Was i prepared to miss my chance with her after 8 years of trying to get it right. No. Not really. If it meant hurting someone to have her then so be it.
I was watching her pack with tears on her face and it reminded me of the time back in the day when she had to move away from me. We was living at me mams whilst her house was being refurbished. It took months and we'd got so used to eachothers company that she literally cried for the whole two days whilst she packed. Its funny when i think about it because we cried when she moved an hour away and now it was like de ja vu, only this time she was more than an hour away.
When she went to pick her suitcase up i grabbed her arm spinning her so she was facing me. I instantly kissed her. The kiss lasted a few seconds before i slowly moved a few inches away from her face.
"Im madly in love with you Kimberley, i cant watch you board that plane."
"Then don't" She smiled and kissed me again.
She threw her arms around my neck, kissing me so passionatly. Id never experienced a kiss like this. Not even from her all those other times. Her lips are so soft and her touch is so gentle. Nothing like Jean.
She pulled back smiling and resting her forehead on miine.
"I'll tell him. I promise. I need you." I whisper.
"I need you too." She says matching the gentle voice i used.
"Im so sorry for hurting you by being a bitch.'
"I dont care about any of that Cheryl. Everything happens for a reason."
"I hope your not catching that plane."
"Never babe. I've got everything i've dreamt about right here in my arms."
I pull her into and hug and rested my chin on her shoulder. I closed my eyes enjoying her embrace but i couldnt help worry about what id say. I bury my face into her neck and squeeze her tight.
At this moment i didnt care about what to say. At this moment all that mattered was i was being honest with myself...woth my feelings.
