Gate Seven || L.H.

Hour Thirteen

I woke up and went on Tumblr. Luke was still asleep, or he was faking, I wasn't really sure. I was also really confused why he was upset with me. I tried to distract myself with stuff on Tumblr, but that didn't work for too long because Luke stretched in his sleep, his sweater riding up to reveal a strip of smooth skin. I felt the irresistible urge to go over and wrap my arms around his waist and press my lips gently against his neck. My heart ached from the distance between us, and I started to think of what would happen when he left for tours with his band. The distance would kill me, and I was only seventeen. It wasn't like I could go with them without parental supervision, plus who knows if they'd even want me to come along? Then there's the fact that we live in two different countries. We'd virtually never see each other. And it seemed like Luke was already sick of me, or mad at me I wasn't sure. That just made me more sick to my stomach. I suddenly felt the need to throw up, so I started to take deep breaths and drank some water to try and stop my stomach from churning. Luke rolled over and opened one eye to look at me. "You okay?"

"Mhm," I hummed awkwardly. I didn't want to open my mouth and spew vomit everywhere. Luke didn't seem to care though as he closed his eyes and rolled over again. That's when tears sprang into my eyes and I tried fruitlessly to wipe the moisture spilling from my eyes off my face. I grit my teeth to keep down the peanut butter and jelly I'd eaten before and to keep from sobbing. This was so hard.

I'd only known Luke for a short amount of time. Why was I crying because he was mad at me? Why was I fighting back vomit because he was ignoring me? Because he was my first relationship? My first crush? My first kiss? I wasn't sure. It bothered me and I think that made me even more upset.

After trying to calm myself for a half hour, I started to feel better. I kept scrolling through Tumblr to distract myself, and it worked- until I came across a picture of Luke and Acacia. Then I broke. I pushed my laptop off my legs and used my onesie sleeve covered hands to cover my face. I cried as quietly as I could, but Luke did wake up. He sat up and mumbled, "What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing," I sniffled, wiping my eyes. "You can just go back to sleep." Luke stared at me and I couldn't bare looking into his perfect blue eyes. I covered my face again, not being able to stop the tears from flowing. Suddenly I felt him pull my hands away from my face. He bit his lip before pulling me in for an awkward hug.

I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted Luke's hugs, but what if he was already bored with me because I wouldn't give myself up to him like I'm sure Acacia did after only a few minutes. Plus, he was upset with me for some reason, so I pushed him away.

"Lil-"

"Please, just don't." I squeaked. I hugged my knees to my chest and rested my forehead on them, soaking them with my tears. "Please, I can't bear it. Just, don't."

"Okay." He didn't even put up a fight. Cause he doesn't want you, I thought viciously. He never did. You're too good for him. You won't give up your virginity to him, so why would he want you?

I tugged on my hair and kept crying as quiet as possible. When I peeked up a little bit, I saw Luke casually scrolling through his phone, no hint of emotion on his face. He never wanted to be with you. He used you, you stupid little girl. Ridiculous, pathetic, desperate little girl. I tugged a little harder on my hair to shut my brain up.

Another twenty minutes went by of uncomfortable silence before Luke spoke up. "Are you sure you're okay? Cause, you um, you kind of don't look okay."

"Weren't you just mad at me a few hours ago?" I snapped. "Why have you decided to grace me with your attention now?"

"You don't have to be a bitch," Luke snapped back. I scoffed at him and said, "You know what? Forget it. Don't act like you care about me after just being pissed off at me or whatever, okay? I know you don't care, so you can stop pretending."

"Don't put words in my mouth," he snarled. They way he said that made me want to cower against the wall, but I refused to show him my fear. "I never said I didn't care. I never said I was pissed at you."

"Then why did you act like it?" I pressed, my arms crossed tightly across my chest.

"I didn't."

"You wouldn't even look at me! You didn't want to be anywhere near me, Luke."

"I wasn't pissed off at you."

"Then why, Luke? Please explain why."

"... I can't."

"Whatever," I snapped, pulling my laptop back on my lap and scrolling past the stupid picture of Luke and Acacia. Luke opened his mouth to say something, then flushed and changed his mind, shutting his mouth and pulling his hoodie up, pulling the drawstrings tight so I could barely see his eyes and nose. Then he curled up on the floor, head resting on a pillow, blanket covering him as he tried to go back to sleep. I sighed and tried to go back to Tumblr, but I couldn't. Instead, I went on YouTube and looked up Hemmo1996, watching Luke's old videos to soothe the ache in my chest.