School. Somewhere I definitely don't want to be on barely two hours sleep and last nights ordeal. It's nearly the end of the day and I'd successfully avoided Evan, Jared and Connor I was walking to my free period which I spent in the library catching up on homework when I see Connor exiting the library. Well if you turn around its definitely going look like you're ignoring him. My mind buzzed as I walk towards him "hey" I mumble as I pass "oh hey, have you got a free period now?" He asks catching my arm, it burns and I can tell he felt the bandages "are you okay?" He asks gently releasing his grip from me "Yes why wouldn't I be, I literally saw you last night" I try and laugh it off. We both know I'm lying "do you want to talk about it?" I just stand there biting my lip, if I do anything but that I'll burst into tears "what have you got next?" He asks. I don't say anything just open my bag and try to find my timetable "I, I don't, I don't" I barely whisper as start hyperventilating. "I, I have Uh, maths" my lungs burn and my body flushes "Come on" he slowly grabs my shoulder and steers me towards the reception. The receptionist doesn't look happy. "I need to take her home" Connor rushes out glancing at me as he speaks "I can't let either of you leave" she barely looks up. "Fuck this" he grabs me again and drags me to his car. "Stay here just give me a second" he looks at me with concern. I'm not breathing and I feel like I'm going to faint "I'm going to faint" I say slowly siting down against his truck "just take deep breathes" he looks stressed. Dropping his bag on the hood of his truck he rummages through it eventually finding the keys. "Can you stand?" He leans down to offer support "Yeah" I exhale between tears.
We've left the town, driving towards the forest when my breathes start to slowly even out. "I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up" resting my hands on my face I try not to burst into tears again. "Don't apologise" Connors voice is soft, "do you want to talk about it?" He continues. I sit biting my lip for some time trying to make up my mind. "I have no self control" I stop breathing heavily trying to stop the tears "I don't know what happened last night, not with you I mean but I got back and I felt okay for awhile and then I wokebup and I thought I was going to be sick so I locked myself in the bathroom, I got in my own head about everything and just spiralled I guess" my voice cracks as I speak. "You tried to kill your self?" His voice dangerously low. "No I uh I didn't mean to" I say slowly, "why would you do that?" His grip tightens on the wheel. "You can't just kill your self and expect everyone to clean up after you" his voice raising "well you're one to speak, what was it? Two day into the school year you were found in the park necking pills so you can shut up" I shout back. "So are you. Wasn't it you who begged me to come get you because your mum was being an asshole? And then you told me all about how you tried in September as well" he shouts glancing at me and then the road "I didn't drag it around school, in fact Connor I distinctly remember having an assembly because of you, no one knew when I tried you know why? Because I'm not an a attention seeker" seething I stare ahead. "You are such a bitch. You slice yourself up then come crawling back to me and expect what? For me to care?" He still hasn't lowered his voice. "I didn't come looking for you, I was avoiding you all day because I didn't want to drag you down with me" I mumble. "Really? Wow thanks" he sneers. "What the fuck are we doing? Anytime we are around each other we end up fighting. I don't want to fight with you" defeated I put my feet on the dash curling my knees into my chest. "Yeah right you look for it, fucking cow" just give him time. Don't say anything, he'll calm down. Up until now I hadn't really been paying attention to where we were going I soon start to see trees. I open my mouth to speak but close it again once my question is answered. A sign comes into view for the local tree reserve. Evan broke his arm here.
Connor parks the car and hops out, he doesn't say anything, just waits for me. Knowing better I don't say anything and just follow him. We walk for some time before it opens out into a small clearing, a small fire pit is in the centre with some logs around it. I stop at the edge looking around, Connor keeps on walking I watch him not wanting to disturb him. Eventually I follow him out, reaching his side I'm shocked as he pulls me into a hug, resting his chin on my head. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up and that I shouted at you. I shouldn't have done that, I'm not going to make an excuse. For the first time in a long time I can say I like someone and mean it. I want you to stick around, even if it means that I come and get you in the middle of the night for ice cream. I would rather do that that sit in my room listening to my parents fight while I smoke" I just stand there letting him hug me. "I shouldn't have dumped that on you, I didn't think, I want to stick around but I also want to know that we'll be safe together, I can be just as bad, I just haven't shown you. Actually that's bullshit yes I have I was a fucking wreck barely thirty minutes ago" I say into his chest. He hold me away from his body, "god do I have the biggest fucking crush on you" he drops his hands away from me as he speaks "Oh good it's not just me then" I say smiling "seriously though as much as you get on my nerves I do like you too" I say looking at the ground.
He pulls me into another hug. "What the fuck are we doing with our lives? We're going to college next year, we have to decide what we want to do for the rest of our lives. I don't even know what I want to eat half the time" Connor's voice is muffled by my neck.
"You remember when you can over? I want to apologise for that" he continues. "It's fine honestly, I think it was out of place." Not sure how to carry on I just hug him back. "are we just going to stand here like this?" He chuckles into my hair "I don't see you complaining"
A/n I already have out takes from this stupid story. Honestly I hate it but it's therapeutic to write angrily so🤷♀️ what'cha gonna do? I wrote like three other chapters and the first part of them was really good and then my shit writing just destroyed everything. Maybe if I finish it I'll publish them but I probs won't. Also I feel bad about the last chapter so again I'm really sorry if it upset you xx
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Striking Blue || Connor Murphy
FanfictionLost in thought as I watched a group of girls taking dumb photos and laughing at each other I was startled when someone slammed through the door. I didn't see who but guessing by the way it slammed shut it was probably Murphy being chased by Rich or...
