★★★
Three stars out of five for the great story idea!
Author: kiama771
Genre: Short Story
Review:
The plot moves quickly at some places and slower at others. In chapter 2, I thought the pacing was slightly off. Immediately after finishing their phone call, Mr Cabello arrives at Pie's shop. Perhaps he was already on his way there while talking to her, and if so, then this would've made more sense — however, the author doesn't give enough information to warrant that assumption.
I think it would be good to know more about the setting, for example, the author could drop a few hints about where the story is taking place.
Pie is hardworking and determined. She worked hard to get her shop to be as successful as it is now and she is not about to let anyone take it away from her. She has a big heart and cares about each one of her employees and customers. Pie seems to be down to earth, but comes off as arrogant when she tells Mr Cabello about her charity work.
I found a random person fanning over a café owner rather strange. Unless... That person is a hardcore foodie? Of course, I see the importance of this encounter as it shows just how popular Pie's shop is.
Due to faulty grammar, I would suggest asking someone to thoroughly edit or revise your work.
The author regularly jumps between first person and third person narrative. Choose either narrative and stick to it; jumping around between two different narratives can confuse the reader, especially if there is no significance to it.
The story idea is great. With a bit of work, it could turn into a great book!
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Critically So
Non-FictionReviews of discovered and undiscovered books on Wattpad. Fair. Honest. Critically So. [CLOSED] Reviews on all genres and in the following languages: English and Dutch. ********************************* If you are reading this story on any other plat...
