Smile Beautiful (Theo James fanfic)

Chapter 17

Megan's POV~

I keep his letter to Shai right above the header of my bed. His cherished words are too valuable to me to just keep them in a box. I feel the need to keep them as close to me as possible. Just looking at it every morning makes me feel like he's still right here with me.

I'm trying to block out negative thoughts, but they seem to keep pushing through my mind. There's a never-ending wave that keeps crashing down on me. Lately, I've been feeling depressed and I just can't seem to get out of it.

Our last conversation together is lost in my head. Memories are the only things left of him; well, besides his letters.

I've been wearing the same shirt for two days... It's his. My tears stain the collar, but his scent still lingers. Sometimes, I find myself daydreaming about the old times we had together...

No, I'm stronger than this.

He wouldn't want me sitting alone in my room mourning him, right?

All this time that I've wasted crying, I could've been doing something way more important.

No one wants to see their children crying.

My friends don't want to see me crying.

Some people just make me cry.

My life makes me cry.

I'm like a leaf.

I bloomed and started to develop and grow.

I finally stopped growing and one day I just fell.

I fell hard onto the ground.

The wind blew me in countless directions, weakening my strength.

I got stepped on.

I got burned.

I disappeared.

What if I actually disappeared? I'd just go off into the world with no care about what happens to me what-so-ever.

To be honest, that sounds pretty good right now. Yes, I have my mom left. Yes, I have my five friends left too. So far, I just can't seem to think straight. I just need time to be alone, explore, and relax.

I've been to depressed these past view days.. I don't know what to do anymore. My mood swings are crazy and my thoughts aren't processing correctly. It's like I can't even think anymore without having the worst thoughts come to my mind.

Just one night is all I need. One night where I don't have to worry about how much I miss him. One night where I don't cry myself to sleep. One night where I don't want to just end it all.

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"Ansel give up!" Shai laughed. "You already lost the staring contest five times in a row!"

"I will keep going until I win my crown!!!" he proclaimed.

"Ansel, there isn't a crown. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I can dream can't I?" 

"This is hopeless." Shai turned to me. "Come on Meg, you've been sitting in silence for hours. Are you sure that you don't want to watch a movie or something?

"Yeah, so you can cuddle up with your best friend." Ansel picked me up and twirled me around.

"Guys, I'm fine." I managed to smile.

Shai and Ansel looked at each other.

"Girl, we need an intervention." Shai looked at me as Ansel lay me down.

"I'm fine guys, really." I continued to mask my fake smile.

"Are you really?" Ansel continued to stare at me.

"You do know that staring is rude right?" I snapped.

"Woah there, little girl, salty much?" he crossed his arms.

"Megan, you're the nicest girl in the whole world and you're only mean when you're joking... Are you joking?" Shai sat down next to me.

"I said that I was fine."

I'm not fine.

Theo's POV~

"So are you and Miss Megan back together sir?" Miles asked me.

"I thought we were, but she hasn't been responding to my texts recently so now I'm not so sure.."

"Sir, if you don't mind, I'd like to say that I don't think it's about you. Miss Megan doesn't seem like the type of lady who does that. It's most likely a problem on the inside. You should give her time or try to comfort her, Mr. James."

"Wow, thanks, Miles," I smiled.

"I've had my few shares with the ladies Mr. James." he chuckled.

"I bet you have!" I started to laugh along with him.

"What are you waiting for Mr. James! Go get the young lady!"

"Thanks again, Miles."

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I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG AWAITED UPDATE AND THE FACT THAT THIS IS SO SHORT!!!