The Space Between Us

Never again (23)

The only place I could think of at the moment was a bar. Before Peyton bad left me she had me a fake I.D and it was at the moment that I wished she was with me. Either she'd talk me out of it or she'd join me.

I ended up at Blue Bay Bar (a/n: I have no clue if this is a real bar) and when I showed the bouncer my I.D he looked at me for a bit, raised his eyebrow and then let me in. I sat at the bar and ordered some Hennessy and then some Bailey's cream. After the fourth drink I was feeling something. But I knew that I was sober because the more I drank the more Luke was in my mind. Everywhere. He was everywhere and I couldn't get rid of him.

Tears started running down my cheeks. I took myself to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. What's wrong with you. Why doesn't anyone like you. What did you do? I look pathetic, crying at the bar. Asking questions that may never get answered. I wipe my mascara, take a deep breath, and go back to the bar. And there he is. The devil himself and he's staring at me. I try to avoid his eyes. But it seems today they are honey and every step I'm getting a taste.

"Isabella what are you doing." He hisses.
"F-f-orgatting youuus. Why are youuuu here."

At the time I thought I was making sense. Like I said I wasn't that drunk.

"Let's go home." He said.
"Home....that sounds nice."

I don't really remember anything after that. But I do remember the morning after.

I woke up in a room that wasn't mine. Black sheets surrounded me and a body laid next to me. My head was pounding and it was blurry for just a second. I was in a Post Malone t-shirt and my underwear. Dear God I swear I'll start going to church even on Wednesday's if ——- my thoughts are interrupted by a cough. I look at the face that I may or may not have done the deed and when I see my knight in shining armor I scream.

"No we didn't do anything at all. We didn't  do anything period. You were at the bar and I found you and ——wait how did you get in there anyway?"

"Ermmmm. Uh."

"Never mind that. What has gotten into you. Do you know what could've happened. You could've gotten drugged, raped, who knows. You can't be doing things like this Isabella." His hand is on my face now and I lean it.

He's coming closer and he's looking in my eyes and for the first time in what seems like forever I make the first move. I kiss him. It's electrifying. My lips are going numb. I missed this. I pull back but go right in for the kill again. He's my drug and this is a relapse. But I don't care. I'll deal with the consequences later. I pull back for the final time but I'm not ready to let go. I hug him and I start to cry. "I missed you Luke."

He pushes me off. "God what are you crazy? You must still be drunk. I've told you I don't care anymore."

I'm taken aback with what he just said, "but- but you just kissed me back."

"You came at me and I thought it would be fun. Don't mean nothing."

I'm crying harder now. He's doing it again. I just committed relationship suicide. "Okay. Sorry." And like that I'm running out the door. Thankfully my car was right outside. I get in the car and break. Halsey ft Juice Wrld is playing in the background. I'm sad inside, but I know it's for the best, right?
You had to realize where you drew the line
I would cross the line a thousand times
You've got what I need, bae, I need your spotlight

Along the lines of social suicide, I refuse to die not by your side
So I'll take what I can from you, then I'll hide
And save the lucid dreams for another time
I still hate it when you're not there

Well never again. Never again. I will not do this again. And that's a promise.