out of breath ; hemmings au

fifteen

This can’t be real. This is not where I am. I must have fallen asleep because Calum was right beside me. I know it… just wake up, Moon! Nothing happened; Luke is still sitting on the driver seat looking at me when he moves his hand from my shoulder to my cheek.

“You’re okay, M,” I shake my head making him drop the smile growing on his face.

“No, this isn’t okay!” I shut my eyes, trying to wake up, but again, nothing changes but the tears rolling down my face.

“It was a nightmare, I swear there’s no danger,” he uses his thumb to caress my cheekbone.

“A nightmare? This is the nightmare! That was a beautiful dream until it was over!” I spat at him, crying.

“What? No-” he keeps trying calming me down, but I interrupt him.

“I’m supposed to be with Calum! And... I don’t even know what you were doing there, I mean... We’re not even friends!” I notice he’s taken aback by my words but I’m angry, and I continue anyway. “When you appeared… that’s when everything went down hill. I was so happy before you popped up Luke. Why do you keep doing this to me? You always ruin everything!” I push him, pressing both hands against his chest, ignoring the tears threatening to come out his eyes. “You think you’re a fucking hero, but let me tell you, you just took me away from everything I love,” I sniff before burying my face in my hands.

Unlike after the other breakdowns I had, Luke doesn’t try to comfort me. He doesn’t stroke my hair, caress my back or mutter hushing sounds and hopeful words.  Instead, I hear him sob and sniff too, and then, hit the steering wheel letting an angry groan escape his lips. Surprised, I raise my head and, even though my sight is blurry from the tears, I see he’s resting his forehead on the steering wheel and his shoulders are moving up and down. He’s fully crying.

With this realization, I feel as if something had just punched me right in the chest. I feel as if there was no space between my sternum and my spine; and it hurts. But at the same time I’m angry at him for waking me up, for taking away the only moment of peace I've had in the last few days.

I don’t know what to do so I just stare at him. The long hair at the top of his head is falling carelessly above the steering wheel and his hands aren’t griping it anymore, they’re now resting on his thighs. He looks devastated, so weak and vulnerable. I didn’t know he had that in him to be honest.

Before I can think about what I'm doing, one of my hands finds its way to the back of his head, and tangles its fingers in the messy blond hair. I don’t know if I’m okay with it, but it helps releasing some of the pain in my chest.

He separates his head from the steering wheel and grips the bottom of his shirt to remove the tears with it. While I’m still trying to figure out what to say or do, he speaks, and I’m glad. 

“I’m so sorry, Moon. I never meant to hurt you. I should’ve waited for Ashton’s plan… he’s much smarter than me. I’m so impulsive all the time, I fuck everything up! Running away from home is one thing, but making you run away is on another level, and I’m really fucking sorry for not thinking it through,” he sobs before going on. “The time was slipping away and I knew they were going to be selling your body! I couldn’t let that happen, not-” he trails off and takes a deep breath. He finds my eyes with his big reddened ones, “I’m very sorry. I didn’t want to make you feel this bad, I just thought it was the best thing to do… but all I did was make you so miserable,” he shakes his head, letting more tears come out his eyes, mindlessly.

Again, I’m speechless. I look at my hand which is still massaging the back of Luke’s head and the other one is now removing his tears. I can’t find anything to say, so I just shake my head, piercing his eyes with mine. This time the contact doesn’t calm the pain because his saddened eyes increase it way too much.