Her Handwritten Letter||BTS FanFiction

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The Handwritten Letter

Dear Yoongs,

By the time you read this, I will be gone.

I know this is all very sudden, but believe me, I tried.

I have kept my whole life story from all of you.

It was not because I did not trust you.

It was because my priority was always you.

You were more important to me than myself.

I never cared about my problems.

To me they meant nothing.

But as time went on, my problems finally decided to bite me in my nonexistent ass.

I began to have panic attacks.

I began to get depressed.

I began to believe in the words that I heard a long time ago.

I began to hate everything about myself.

I began to believe that I was not worthy of living.

That I was indeed ugly, fat, a waste of space, unwanted.

Where did I get all of this?

Once again, I am out of time, so forgive me if all this is rushed and incomprehensible. I may go back and forth a lot, but please...just bear with me.

So, where did it start?

Well, let me start with my so called home.

There, I felt out of place.

I was born the first child.

And like everyone knows, the first child is the experiment.

My mother and father treated me differently than how they treated my brother. With him there was more love and patience. With me, it was all annoyance and anger.

When I was five, I showed my mother my homework. She said I got one part wrong, but instead of erasing that single mistake, she erased everything and made me start again.

When my brother was five, he did what I did as well. Only that with him, my mother erased that single mistake.

Yeah, it may seem like a stupid excuse, but was it really?

To me it was not.

Many other teens know what that feels like.

While my brother got praises, I got discipline.

While my brother got patience, I got frustration.