WE ARE ALL STRANGERS TO SOME(BODY).

Scarred Heart of Steel

Author Summary

I wrote this during the worst breakup of my life. (Good news, the man who this is about is still the love of my life and we are happily in love). But anyway, we had quite the rough patch some time last year, and it killed a piece of me, which remains dead even to this day.
My love and I were "broken up" for two months and I swear to you it was the most gut wrenching experience of my life. Maybe I need to experience some more shitty things in life because there are a hell of a lot worse things in life than a break up, but let me tell you, this definitely makes the list of the top 3 worst things to ever happen to me.
Long story short, my love has been through some shit (as every person of course), but quite literally every person who has come through his life has either left him, lied to him, or cheated on him. That isn't even the half of it, but I said I will keep the story short.
His parents left him, every love he ever had ended up hurting him one way or another, and I vowed I would never. I swore up and down, and left and right that I would never ever hurt his already broken heart, and that I would do anything in my power to mend it.
Meanwhile, two years into our relationship, I was living with him because I was "kicked out," and while all of this was going on, my love was switching between medications.
We lived together for the first time, and we were arguing constantly, I mean CONSTANTLY. I just felt as if our love was on standby. I thought that if we lived together, we would seriously be so in love and sleep together every night and wake up every morning in each other's arms. But rather, we were drifting, far apart.
He stayed up most nights playing video games, I would go to sleep by myself and wake up at 8am to see that he still had yet to sleep. I felt so damn ALONE. I loved him so much but hated him for taking a piece of me with him to wherever his soul was drifting to.
He knew he had me wrapped around his finger; and he knew I would die a thousand deaths for him. He knew that I would come running back to him no matter what. Zoloft turned him into a zombie. I should have taken that heavily into account, but I was also so caught up in my own head that I was so fed up with being treated like a doormat. Zoloft or no Zoloft.
So I packed up my stuff and moved back home. While living at home, things seemed to progress and we decided it was time to take a break.
During this "break" an old "friend" of mine came back to town from his military school, and we started catching up. One thing led to another — we just began talking about my relationship and life in general and he basically said that whole "I'm here if you ever need anything" bullshit cliché.
So one day I asked my love if he would go map out the campus that I would be attending because I was nervous to get lost on my first day. He replied with, verbatim, "babe, why the fuck would I want to do that lol."
I don't even remember my response. I just remember that I was so pissed. Next thing I know, I was asking this guy (the old friend) to go with me, even though I knew it would INFURIATE my love if he were to find out. In my mind I knew it was innocent but in my stomach it felt so wrong.
On our way to the campus, we stopped at Wendy's and just so happened to see my love's best friend's girlfriend. GREAT. So we went on with our day, he showed me around campus then we left. On our way back, my love FaceTimed me. GREATTTT.
Moral of the story, it all went downhill from there. An ugly ugly break up, he genuinely thought that I cheated on him, even to this day he questions it which drives me INSANE. But yeah, so during our "break up" we both fueled the fire of a vicious cycle. He would pull away and I would rope him back in, then I would pull away and he would do the same to me. It was a nightmare. I actually felt as though I were drowning in a pool of emptiness. I was suffocating from lack of sleep, lack of oxygen to the brain, and lack of strength.
I was so strong yet so fragile. He was so strong yet so fragile. Which is why I wrote this. Enjoy, thankyou ♡