Laconic » a.i

4.3

//ashton//

I didn't say anything after Michael left for his room. I started wearing my sunglasses again and I felt terrible every time I looked at Michael because I knew he felt guilty and the fact he did nothing to stop Luke from turning him completely black and blue made me feel horrible -- even though he gave me a black eye that one time when I first met Cooper. I wanted to let him know he shouldn't blame himself but he didn't want anyone trying to tell him that. So I just left him alone.

During the funeral two days later, I still couldn't say anything. It was hard for Jeremy to not cry while he was in the coffin -- we showed up before anyone had gotten there and he was a mess -- so Calum gave him something to make him sleep for a few hours. We promised we'd be at home waiting for him once he transported out of his coffin but I stayed at the cemetery after everyone, including the people who piled dirt on the coffins, were long gone. It was weird, though, because I hadn't been to that cemetery in the longest time. I stared at the headstone that said COOPER on the front had their family's names on the back.

No one knew the exact date Bridgette "died" so instead of putting the day she died, they put the date Jeremy "discovered she was missing".

BRIDGETTE ELOISE COOPER

January 3, 1995 - April 4, 2014

JEREMY EDWARD COOPER

October 24, 1994 - July 13, 2014

I found myself laughing a little because I never actually knew Bridgette's middle name. I also realized I didn't think I ever told her mine. Funny how much we knew about each other but not our middle names of all things. Eloise was so pretty. Bridgette Eloise.

I sat down right in front of the headstone so I was facing it. I wondered if Jeremy had transported back. I wanted to be there for him since we had gotten so close before I first ran away but I couldn't bring myself to leave where I was. I wanted to stay there for the rest of however long I'd be around. If the world ended, would I still exist?

What was the point of existing, though? Bridgette was the only girl that took me for what I was even if I didn't talk to her. She walked home with me the first day she met me and she smiled and asked me questions. She didn't walk ahead of me or ignore me. Bridgette was genuine and I'd never felt so in love with someone before. What was the point of existing without her; without someone to be with? Noel had Calum who could stop his aging, Luke had Emily, Michael had Annie who could do the same as Calum; I had no one. Even Ella would be able to find someone to be with eventually but I had already fallen too deep in love with someone I knew was the right person for me. How was I supposed to go on without her?

I knew I'd have to, though. there was no way anyone was letting me erase myself or run off. A close eye was being kept on me -- I wouldn't be surprised if there was someone invisible watching me now. But they wouldn't just be watching me, they'd be watching Michael and Jeremy too.

I didn't think Jeremy would run off and do that but I was worried about Michael. He stopped talking like me and he hardly even hung around with Annie anymore. She let him have his space but I knew she wanted nothing more than to try and be there for him. The problem was that Michael was like me in the sense that he didn't want anyone trying to help him. He mostly pushed people away instead.

I looked up at the sky and saw the sun had moved considerably. It was probably around 4pm or something. I stood up and dusted off my pants, looking off at the other headstones. Off toward the back of the cemetery, I saw the makeshift headstone that said IRWIN on it and I got a bigger lump in my throat. I hadn't seen that since the guys helped me make it.

I wandered over to it and looked at the rock that was set off toward the edge of the green grass. We'd carved the name onto it and their initials on the back. We never actually properly buried their bodies since the bodies are burned when you become a ghost but we still made it nonetheless.

I turned and left before I started crying again.

-

I walked home instead of transported, and when I reached the front door, I walked inside and was greeted by quiet talking from the living room. I walked in soundlessly and saw Calum, Noel, Annie, Ella, Emily, Jeremy, and Luke. Michael was still in his room where he had been up until the funeral.

"He won't open the door," Calum said quietly. "I was up there for five minutes trying to get him to but he wouldn't."

"Did he say anything?" Noel wondered.

"That he wanted to be left alone."

Annie must've sensed I was there -- she had trained to hunt ghosts anyway -- and looked up at me. She gave a sad smile, "Hey, Ash. What brought you back?"

I just shrugged, not knowing how to explain or wanting to anyway. I sauntered in and sat down on the smaller couch that wasn't being occupied by anyone. Luke had brought that one up from the basement now that we had more people, and he put it by the recliner.

"Did you guys ever make up?" Emily asked, breaking the silence and looking down at Luke.

He was slid down into the bigger couch with his snapback on his head and his hands folded over his stomach. He stared down at the ground, "Yeah."

She sighed, knowing he didn't want to talk about it and turned back to stare at the blank TV in front of her. No one really knew what to say at all. No one knew what to do without Bridgette around. Not to mention we were still in shock that a ghost could die like a human could.

"Is anyone hungry?" Calum asked. "I could order pizza."

"Please," Annie smiled weakly while Jeremy replied with, "Sure."

"Ashton?" Calum checked as he stood up from the recliner.

I just shook my head so Calum nodded once and left down the hall toward the kitchen.

"So that's it?" Luke asked, looking at me -- he looked kind of annoyed, honestly. "You're just going to go back to sunglasses and silence? You made so much progress after Bridgette and now you're just going to stop talking again?"

I shrugged.

He scoffed, "I can't believe you. I thought you were doing great, functioning like an actual person, but now the old Ashton's back and here to stay. We should probably start watching you even closer since you're episodes will come back too."

I'd forgotten about those completely. Last time I was away from Bridgette, I'd killed so many people. I didn't want it happening again but I knew it would -- I couldn't control it. Bridgette was my antidote and without her, I'd go back to being crazy.

-

sOME ASSHAT TOOK THE IRWEENIE THING AND PUT IT ON TWITTER AND TOOK THE CREDIT LIKE BITCH I SAW YOU COMMENT ON MY STORY LIKE "OMG I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE" AND NOW YOU'RE ALL ON TWITTER LIKE "I JUST CAME UP WITH IRWEENIE IF I EVER SEE ASHTON I'M CALLING HIM THAT" NO FUCK OFF

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**future me reading this comment again and getting annoyed all over again smh she's like those meme accounts that just steal tweets from each other