Laconic » a.i

4.2

//michael//

Nothing. I felt nothing. I felt absolutely numb once those words left Joy's mouth. It had to be true because she was the best witch we knew. It was definite: I killed Bridgette for good.

I expected Jeremy or Ashton to freak out at me but that didn't happen. Jeremy fell to his knees and Ashton went back to Cooper's body and was yelling at her to wake up. I didn't know what to do with myself. How was I supposed to react after I killed a girl that meant so much to me? I did love Bridgette, maybe not in the way Ashton did but I definitely still did.

And I get to go back and face everyone else.

"Ashton," Calum yelled as he tried to pull him away from Bridgette, "stop, it's no use! Your powers can't work on the actual dead."

"She's not dead, I know she's not!" he cried, spinning around to show tears streaming down his face. His green eyes were already bloodshot and I couldn't even fucking look at him. I wanted to just fucking disappear. "She can't be, Calum; she fucking can't be!"

"Ash, breath," Calum instructed. I could tell even he was trying not to cry and honestly, so was I but I probably already was and just couldn't tell yet. "We need to go back home and tell everyone and just calm down. She'll be here tomorrow, okay?"

"No, I can't leave her!" he shook his hand, grabbing Bridgette's lifeless hand with everything he fucking had. "She can't wake up to no one here, she's afraid to be alone. She-"

"I'll stay," Mrs. Hood promised. "Calum, bring Mali-Koa and we'll try all night to bring her back, I promise. Just please go home and rest."

"Yeah," Jeremy choked out. He still didn't look up from the floor but his tears were dripping off his chin and nose and onto the floor. "Let's go rest."

"Michael," Mrs. Hood called. I looked up at her and she looked at me with pity -- pity I didn't deserve. I knew what I was doing when I ran her over because I did it willingly. I didn't need anyone feeling sorry for me because I didn't fucking deserve any of it. "Please don't be so hard on yourself about this."

"She's right," Jeremy said, clapping a hand on my shoulder as he stood. He'd wiped away most of his tears but his eyes were still red, "you did it because she told you to and you didn't know it would...do that."

I still felt like fucking shit. I should've just said no even if she was going to bug me about it the entire way there. Yeah, I didn't know, but I still didn't have to do it. God, I was a fucking idiot. I was also a fucking murderer.

"C'mon, guys." Calum said softly. He walked us out to his car in silence. I didn't want to sit near Ashton or Jeremy, and Calum didn't want Ashton driving in his state anyway so I sat in front with Calum.

The ride was so fucking silent that it hurt. I couldn't stop thinking about what I did and I didn't think I could ever forgive myself for it even if Jeremy didn't blame me. I didn't know how Ashton felt about it but I didn't want to ask him, either. So I just stated facing the road as the images of her body hitting the car and her lifeless body on the table flooded through my head over and over and over.

We went to Calum's first to get Mali-Koa and Annie. They squeezed together in the back and looked around at our sad faces. Annie was the one to ask what was wrong but Calum said he'd explain back at Luke's.

When we got there, I was fucking terrified to tell everyone I'd killed Cooper. I was thankful I at least didn't have to break the news to her brother or her boyfriend because that would've been fucking impossible for me to do. But telling all of her friends was just as difficult.

We walked in behind Calum. Annie was holding my hand and asking softly for me to talk to her but I didn't even know what to say. I was sure she wouldn't want to talk to me after she found out what happened. But I squeezed her hand anyway -- might as well while I still could.