The Death of Me

Chapter One- Scars

        "Pain demands to be felt," That's what the great Peter Van Houten voices, in my personal favorite book The Fault in our stars, by John Green. It is a good quote that rings, unfortunately for me, very true. Most people would think that when someone my age says something like that, they are just talking about high school and being melodramatic, but when i say my life is hard, i actually mean it. I have had to go through the one thing that no one should have to go through at my age. Imagine waking up one night to find your house burning down to a crisps, smoke filling your lungs, fire biting at your side trying to devour your very existence away. Imagine waking up in a hospital room, to find nurses looking at you with pity filled eyes, and speaking to you in condescending voices until one of them finally tells you that you are an orphan, that the fire that also took away all your possessions took your parents, and innocence with it. Then being left alone with the burning sensation in your chest, this time it wasn't caused by the fire, it was heart ache and sorrow. A seventeen year old girl should never have to lose both of her parents, especially to a fire. So here i am a month later, in a new town, living with my aunt Sara and her son Matt, starting over at a new school. 

        I shut my journal, and sat it down in my desk drawer, my therapist, Ms. Dawson, thinks it would be a good idea for me to keep a journal so i can write my feelings in it. I personally think it is a waste of time, but if i do this then she said i wont have as many sessions with her, and i would much rather write a paragraph a day then have to spend an hour a day with a woman i barely know talking about my parents death and how it has affected me. Of course Sara thinks i should still go more than once a week because she thinks I'm "depressed", but i mean who wouldn't be after losing both of their parents to a house fire. I would be worried if i weren't depressed.

        "Serenity?" Sara called from the other side of my door. I got up from my desk and opened my door. 

        "Yeah?" I asked her, as i moved towards my bed and plopped down on it. She walked in my room before answering taking a seat on the window seat. 

        "Listen, Serenity, i think you need to get out of the house some, you have barely left the house since you got here, and spring break ends tomorrow and you have to start a new school, maybe you should go to the mall or the beach or something and try to make some friends," Sara said, hope that i would take her advice and go out laced in her vioce. I sighed and was about to deny leaving the house but when i looked into Sara's eyes, i couldn't. they were laced with worry.

        "Fine, if it will make you happy I'll go out for a little while." I said. Sara smiled and stood up from the window seat. 

        "Great," Sara exclaimed and then walked out of my room, shutting the door behind her. I groaned and fell back on my bed. This means that i actually need to get dressed into clothes that doesn't make me look like a total bum. I got up from my bed and walked over to my closet, grabbing a pair of dark skinny jeans and a cream colored t-shirt, i grabbed my combat boots, and tugged them on, ran a brush through my long wavy strawberry hair, grabbed my phone, purse, and leather jacket then walked out of my room and down the stairs, while tugging my jacket on. 

        "Sara, I'll be back later, I have my phone.," I called through the house, then left without waiting for a reply.  I have no idea where i want to go so i started walking towards the beach, if anything I'll just chill out at the beach for a while so that Sara doesn't worry about me so much. 

        I hate the fact that she worries so much and i know that is ironic of me to feel, seeing that i am the one who has been causing her the most worry lately, but it's not my fault I'm depressed and that she can see through any facade i put on. She worries more about me than she does her own son, not that she really has a reason to worry about Matt, he is a pretty responsible guy for the most part, even when we were kids Matt was always the responsible one out of us, i was always the one getting in trouble, pushing the limits. My mom always used to blame my father for the way i acted, she said i got my stubbornness and as she referred to it "dare devilness" from him, because apparently when he was in school all he ever did was cause trouble. My parents, knew each other in high school, they were best friends and then ended up realizing their undying love for each other, something right out of a chick flick if you ask me. But chick flick quality or not, they had a deep everlasting love that not everyone is lucky enough to find. I hope that one day i can find that type pf love, but with my luck that's a very slim chance that i would actually find love like that.