it's just kissing | m.j ✓

CHAPTER FIFTY.

Jimin doesn't realize until it's too late that he's accidentally let the question escape his lips. Doesn't even recognize that it's his voice until Namjoon inhales sharply and pulls back.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I just said that," Jimin tags on hastily, hoping that Namjoon will just brush it off as the alcohol in his system talking. Jimin knows that it's an innocent question. Hell, Yoongi and Hoseok had been asked if they are together on more than several occasions, yet he can't help feel that he's overstepped some kind of a boundary.

Because at the end of the day, what was he? He wasn't a brother like Seokjin was. Wasn't a "friend" like Wonho or anyone else at the bar who seems to know so much more about Namjoon than he does. Really, how much does he really know about Kim Namjoon?

"....No," Namjoon finally answers, a puff of white air rising from his lips, and the heavy emotion behind the voice makes Jimin's chest ache.

"I'm sorry...I just thought that maybe..."

There is utter silence as Namjoon tenses his jaws a couple times. Then something akin to pain flickers in his eyes, and Jimin wonders if he's just imagining it with all the alcohol buzzing through him. The man looks as if he has something he wants to say but can't, and Jimin's just about to tell the other man to ignore him when Namjoon's voice cuts through the cold air again.

"We were together."

"....Oh..."

Jimin suddenly finds it hard to breathe. Perhaps its the pain in the other man's voice. Maybe it's something else entirely. But whatever it is, Jimin finds himself trapped by it. As it he's become victim to some kind of poison that has begun to paralyze him from within.

"It was a relationship we both knew had an end, but I jumped into it too blindly. And then he left for London."

"...I'm sorry..." Jimin whispers, not wanting any more explanation to the rather cryptic response. There is clearly a lot more to the story. Things much heavier and deeper that Jimin knows Namjoon would never let anyone know. So that's what Wonho had been. The one person who was able to bring Namjoon that much happiness and that much pain.

Jimin reaches out with his hand, out of words to say. He's done more than enough talking already, so he settles for taking one of Namjoon's hand into his own and giving it a small squeeze. To think that someone like Kim Namjoon also had his heart broken. That he would surrender his heart to someone and be the one left behind.

"Maybe...maybe you can start over with him. He's back, right?" Jimin suggests, his own voice sounding foreign to his own ears. It hurts. Whatever it is, it's bringing him pain, but he can't stop the words spilling out of his mouth, because he can't bare to see the sadness in the other man's eyes. "I mean, that's what you're telling me all the time, right? To just go for it?"

And much to his surprise, Namjoon actually breaks into a small smile. The sadness may still lingering in his eyes, but the pain is now gone. Namjoon looks down at their entwined hands.

"...No. I'm not in love with him anymore."

Jimin can't bring himself to be entirely convinced but he says nothing. Instead, he watches as Namjoon finally looks up to meet his gaze. The two stand out in the cold in silence, each lost in their own thought until Namjoon tells Jimin that they should probably go inside before others come looking.