Finding myself

Chapter 54

Chapter 54

With Nova's disappearance and my wolf's rebellion, everything started looking more grey for me.

Not the black and white illusion Sam used to put me in.

The illusion in which he taught me to kill anyone and everyone who wasn't one of us. Or help in our cause.

Ok, when I say everyone, I am exaggerating. But to be fair his genocide idea was a little extreme.

So it finally dawned on you.

Zian snorts inside of me.

Well, I thought we loved killing.

I said and that seemed to tick her off.

I still do, you don't. I just don't want to kill them on his terms.

Now I ordinarily I would shrug my shoulders or roll my eyes at her statement. But I was starting to understand the big flaw in my way of thinking.

Firstly, it was a few number of people who directly offended me. They sure as hell was high enough in number to make my life a living hell. But still, many of the pack members followed suit due to peer pressure when it came to high school students or the sheer authority of Blaze's position.

Some of them did it to gain approval from the high ranks.

Many of them didn't even approve of the bullying while I was being tortured. This doesn't mean they are perfect because they didn't stop it, but it also doesn't mean they have done anything terrible enough to guarantee a genocide.

I wanna smack myself over the immature thoughts I had the past few years. And the fact that I dedicated three precious years for it.

An entire species being wiped out because a teenage girl couldn't handle the drama in her life.

For the first time, I feel a bit liberated because I am using my head instead of my heart to make my decisions for me. And as courageous and manly the genocide route sounded, this made me feel right and mature.

And secondly, if I do go by what Zian said, Sam may not even be loyal to us. For all I know, he may dump me after he got what he wanted.

Thirdly, objectively speaking, this was just my life. Just my suffering. There will be hundreds and thousands of innocent kids like Zarine who will die if the plan goes on.

Yeah, but your 'suffering ' wasn't some Cinderella drama. It was actual, real life shit. It was sucky stuff that happened to us because of the sucky people around us and life truly sucked Zara. It was no drama. It was far from 'Oh gosh, I just lost my shoe.' We lost our prince charming and everything that came with it. We are just Zara. And our life is no drama. It is just a reality that sucks because unlike Cinderella we never truly got a break and we took training and advice from the suckiest person in the whole story.

My wolf did have a point. I doubt how many people had to go through what I did.

Very few or close to none. But that doesn't mean their problems are any less 'sucky' as Zian put it. It's all they have known so it sucks for them as much as is dies for me even if it was minimal compared to mine.

I did not ignore the fact that she swore, that too with the four-letter s-word nonetheless. But I don't think bringing it up now would help my cause.

My problems were mine. They just happened to me because something went wrong in my fate, a whole bunch of wolves shouldn't have to die for that.

I was proud I was becoming sensible. But I also regretted the truths it revealed. I hated that I promised Sam to help him with the war. I can't go back in my word.