Rather Be

9

Tumakbo si Nikki pagkatapos niyang magsalita. I tilt my head at the side as I try to digest everything. I just helped her, but why did it end up this way?

BIgla ko na lang naalala ang itsura niya kanina. She's soaking wet, dahilan para humapit ang damit niya sa kanyang katawan.

I look at my hands, forming it to her size. Jeez! Just the mere tought of it makes me erect! Bakit ba naman kasi ang laki nuon. Back then she always wears huge shirts, at bihira ko lang siya makitang naka fit, kaya naman hindi ko inakalang...

Urgh! Stop it Vince!

~~~~~~

Tahimik akong naglalakad papuntang dinner table para magbreakfast. Ang alam ko ay dapat sabay sabay kaming kumakain pero gutom na talaga ako.

After akong makita ni Ate Jenny kahapon, tumakbo agad ako sa cr sa loob din nang kwarto. Hanggang ngayon, naririnig ko pa rin yung pagtawa niya. Ang worst part pa, naabutan nila ate Stef si ate Jenny sa ganoong sitwasyon kaya tinanong nila siya at kinwento naman nung isa kung bakit.  Ang lakas lakas pa nung boses ni ate  Jenny, feeling ko nga sinasadya niya eh.

So, dadagdagan ko ang sinabi ko kanina. Gutom na talaga ako at nahihiya akong magpakita sa kanila.

Pagkarating ko sa kitchen, naabutan ko si Manang na naghahain. Binati ko siya at tinanong kung pwede na bang kumain at pumayag naman siya.

Pagkakain ay pumunta ako sa garden, alam mo na, mag-eemote chu chu. Hehe, titingin sa kawalan tapos kakanta then mag-iisip nang kung ano ano. Nasabi ko na bang may pagka semi bitter at semi hopeless romantic ako? Siguro ganoon talaga pag walang love life. Tipong hindi ka naniniwala but you're still hoping?

Pagkabukas ko nang glass sliding door ay naabbutan ko si Tita Luisa at Vince -nasabi ko na bang parang japanese style yung villa? Kung hindi pa edi yan! Chanan!-

 Tumalikod na  ako dahil hindi ko ugali ang pakikinig nang usapan nang iba lalo na't mukhang seryoso ito.

" Vince, ano ba? How many times do I need to tell you na there was never an us? And for Pete's sake, I'm your mother! " I stop on my tracks nang narinig ko ang impit na sigaw ni Tita Luisa. She sounds frustrated and... tired.

" You're not my mother, Luisa. Why can't you just give me a chance. I love you... I love you with all that I am... Handa akong kamuhian nila basta ikaw ang kapalit."  Vince's voice broke and that's the time na I manage to take a look in the scene.

" You don't Vince, you're just obssesed with the idea of forbidden, and we both know that that's a bad thing. Very bad. We give you three years, I can't believe you just wasted it. Besides you know that I love your father"  she said then push her wheel chair at the opposite door. Shit... Buti na lang at maraming daanan sa villa na'to kundi malalaman nilang nakikinig ako sa usapan nang iba, and worst, sobrang personal pa.

Tumingin ako kay Vince na naiwan. Nakaluhod na siya at nakayuko. Sa galaw pa lang nang balikat niya, masasabi ko nang umiiyak siya, I was never a fan of these things, loving someone whose age can be as your parents, hindi ko sila maiintindihan, pero seeing Vince crying like this, hindi ko alam. Maybe hindi ko nga talaga alam kasi hindi pa naman ako naiinlove.

Gusto ko siyang icomfort, pero bago ko pa maisip ang gagawin ko, I just found myself sa harap ni Vince at nakatingala na siya sa akin.

I cupped his face then wiped his tears. Shete, ano ba 'tong ginagawa ako? Balak ko na sanang umalis kung hindi lang niya hinawakan nang mahigpit yung kamay ko. He stood up and held my face and as I looked into his eyes again, pain is gone, wala akong makitang expression sa mga mata niya. 

Hindi ko talaga siya maintindihan, kahit nuon na medyo close kami.  Katulad ngayon, he has this cold stare, may bakas pa rin nang luha sa mukha niya at he was staring at me intently.

Ang bilis nang tibok nang puso ko and I know that it's all because of fear. I can feel my hands shaking because of his cold stare. The hell? I just want to help him but now that I think of it, screw helping Vince,  hindi siya ang dapat tulungan dahil siya mismo ang kalaban.

Then he kissed me, torridly. Sinubukan ko siyang itulak, I punch him hard pero wala akong nagawa. His whole body's trapping me. I just stood there while my tears kept flowing from my eyes.

I never imagined my first kiss would be like this, I thought it will be magical but this,  this is its total opposite.

Naramdaman ko na lang na binitiwan niya ako, napasalampak ako sa sahig at duon na ako napahagulgol. I know I'm crying like shit dahil sa isang walang kwentang bagay, pero I felt violated. I hugged myself tight nang maalala ko kung paano his hands roamed my body at wala man lang akong nagawa.

" I'm.... I'm sorry " I heard him say then I feel him hugging me. But it didn't help, natatakot na ako sa kanya, agad din naman siyang lumayo. " I'm really sorry, Nikki " 

" Damn!"