Ain't This Life So Sweet | Joanne

Chapter Nine

"I still haven't got over what your mum said earlier".

They were driving back to the hotel after their day with Joe's family. Emelia, clearly worn out after her sugar high (Joe's nan had not kept to Dianne's request to limit the treats to something small), had crashed and fallen asleep almost as soon as they had put her in the car.

"What did she say?" Joe asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"About you being ten pounds four. That's massive, Joe."

Joe laughed. "Genuinely probably the only time in my life I've been overweight."

"True."

"Anyway, is it really that huge?" Joe asked. "I mean, how much did Emelia weigh?"

"She was exactly seven pounds. She actually went down to six pounds something just after she was born."

Joe looked concerned. "Is that normal?"

"Yeah. Most babies lose weight when you start breastfeeding them. She'd put it all back on within a couple of weeks."

Joe nodded. "Ok." He was silent for a moment, deep in thought. He spoke again, this time with a gentle tone to his voice. 

"Would... would you do it again? Have another baby?"

It wasn't a question he'd ever asked a girl before. In fact, he didn't think he'd ever asked anyone. It was a very personal question to ask, especially so early into a relationship. But he was curious.

Dianne smiled. "Definitely. Not right now, but in the future. I know now that everything you go through is 100% worth it to get something so amazing at the end." She paused, looking at Joe. "But, if you're talking about me and you having a child at any point, I'd have to do some research into how likely it would be that any kid of yours would be ten pounds. I don't know if I have the strength for that."

Joe laughed, but Dianne shot him a stern look. "I'm serious. If your kid ends up enormous, I'm holding you personally responsible for whatever happens to my vagina. And you can live with the consequences."

Joe shuddered. "I don't think I want to know what the consequences might be."

Dianne chuckled. "When my brother's wife had their first baby, Mia, the only advice my dad gave him was to stay at the head end. He didn't listen, and he fainted in the delivery room."

"Who was with you when you had Emelia?" Joe asked, genuinely curious. It wasn't a conversation they'd really had before.

"My mum was there. She cut the cord and everything. And my best friend from back home, Rob, was there with me. He held my hand and stuff, stuck with me through the whole fourteen-hour labour." She looked across at Joe, who inhaled dramatically. "Although, it was quite funny because people kept thinking he was the dad. He's the campest man I've ever met- I have no idea how they thought we were a couple. Or that he'd ever slept with a woman. Anyway, in the end, he just gave up on correcting them and joined in. He did have to leave the room, though. When the doctors started talking about stitches, he went white and had to go and sit down outside."

Joe gulped. "I don't know if I want to ask this question but we're having the conversation so I'm going to ask. How... how many stitches?"

"Well, I had an episiotomy. Which is... brace yourself... where they cut you rather than letting you tear. So it was one long stitch to repair it. Mum had seventeen stitches after she had me. Which is why I was the last child."

Joe winced. "Ouch."

They sat in silence for a moment, before Dianne spoke again. "I'd absolutely do it again. Definitely. But things are different now. I have Emelia to consider. She'd need to be in a stable place- living with me full-time again- before I'd think about it. I wouldn't want her to feel pushed out."

Dianne looked back at her sleeping daughter.

"She has to be my priority. Timing is important now, because of her. An unexpected surprise like she was would just make things difficult. Which is why birth control is such a wonderful thing."

Joe laughed and held out his hand as if he was holding a glass. "I'll toast to that." Dianne pretended to clink an imaginary glass against his.

"To the pill!"

///

The following morning, Dianne, Joe and Emelia sat around the table in their hotel room eating breakfast. There was a quiet knock at the door.

Joe got up and walked over, opening it with a smile on his face. "Alright?" he asked with a Wiltshire twang. "What you doing here?"

Dianne smiled as Joe's dad, Graham, stepped into the room. "Well, you did invite me. I'm just a bit early. Is that alright?"

Joe smiled and pulled out a chair at the table. "Course it is. We're just finishing our breakfast. Do you want a tea?"

"Go on, then" he said.

Dianne poured Graham a tea and handed him the mug. "It's good to see you again. This is Emelia".

Dianne turned to her daughter and pushed her hair back off her face. "Emelia, this is Joe's dad." Emelia put down her toast and finished her mouthful.

"Hello" she said with a smile.

"Good girl. Thank you for not talking with your mouth full." Joe smiled at Dianne. She prided herself on Emelia having good manners. It was one of the things that let her know she was doing OK at the whole parenting thing.

"It's nice to meet you, Emelia" Graham said. "Joe's been telling me all about you. Has he been behaving himself?"

Emelia giggled. "Sometimes. But sometimes he's silly."

Joe rolled his eyes. "Hey. I thought we were friends. Don't go giving away all my secrets. I think that's a bit harsh. I've been so nice to you."

Emelia grinned up at him. "I think..." she paused, "you stink!"

Joe groaned. "You get me every time with that one." He winked at his dad. It was one of his dad's oldest jokes, and one that Joe had found hilarious when he was Emelia's age.

"He learned from the best" Graham said, smiling.

///

"Hey, Emelia. What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?"

Dianne, Joe, Graham and Emelia had left their hotel room after breakfast and were now exploring the farm in the grounds.

Joe rolled his eyes, knowing the punchline to his dad's stupid joke.

"A candy baa!"

Emelia giggled. "That's a good one."

Joe reached for Dianne's hand, smiling up at her as they walked. "Can you see where I get my crap jokes from now?"

Dianne nodded. "I can see exactly where it comes from. Graham's got dad jokes for days."

Joe smiled. "King of the dad jokes."

Emelia ran ahead of them, stopping every now and again to peer into the different fields.

"Hey, Graham! There's a baby one in here!" She shouted, waving at Joe's dad, who walked over to where she was waiting and crouched down next to her.

Dianne leaned into Joe as they watched. "I think my little girl has a new favourite friend. Sorry, Joe. Top spot's been taken."

Joe pouted. "And I tried so hard."

Dianne smiled at him. "Honestly, look at her."

"I have absolutely no idea what she sees in him" Joe said, rolling his eyes as his Dad did his best goat impression for the enamoured little girl.

"Oh, I get it. If I was twenty years older, I'd definitely be knocking on Graham's door." Joe groaned as Dianne laughed. "Hey, don't be offended. He's just a more mature version of you."

The two of them looked on as Graham pretended to be a goose, flapping his elbows at his sides and honking loudly, much to Emelia's amusement.

"I don't think mature is a word you could ever use to describe my father."