Beautifully Unfinished

(4)

We never knew we were falling in love. For us, it was really weird. I was a girl and she was girl. We were best friends. And that's not how love works right? We never knew the concept of gay or lesbian. All we were ever taught was a man falls in love with a woman, they get married and have kids. All the movies, songs, people, society suggested that. And we were too young to figure out what exactly our feelings were trying to tell us.

"I love you."

"I love you, too"

This had become a common practice. We said it and we did mean it. We didn't know if we were saying that as best friends or lovers but what we knew was that it felt good. It was new and for the first time, and it felt good.

***

"You know what, Abi? You're my first love. My first and last." Ruth said and kissed my cheeks.

Her kisses always made me feel warm. They made me transcend to a fantasy world of my own. The one where we were madly in love with each other and nothing else mattered.

We didn't know when we admitted the fact we were in love. But we did. We knew we were in love. And not the best friend love. The actual love 'love'. The one where we cared for each other, wanted to kiss, wanted to be with each other all the time.

"Promise me, you will be by my side, always. Forever and always?" I said holding her hands tight.

"I promise."

***

Letters were an important part of our story. We wrote each other lots and lots of letters. Even in between class, we exchanged little notes. Always talking about how much we loved each other. About how we missed each other. About how perfect we were. I have still kept those letters preserved in a folder. Re-reading those letters reminds me of how it used to be. How beautiful, how perfect, how deeply in love.

It was overwhelming. But it was special. It was our first love. It felt so good and I was so happy. I was happy all the time. I used to think about her every minute and smile like an idiot. We used to talk for hours and hours. We texted day and night. Ruth was a pretty good flirter. She flattered me with her words. I craved her. I craved her company, her care, her love every second of the day. Ah, I was so in love.

***

"Hey there, Princess. Would you like to be my girlfriend?" Ruth said taking my hand.

"Oh Prince. I thought I already was your girlfriend." I said blushing.

She kissed my hand and then pulled me close by my waist.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"My beloved Princess, you are too beautiful to be resisted."

This was kind of our thing. Ruth always wanted to be the guy. And the word, 'Princess', she used that quite often to address me. We used to act like couples. She used to be the guy and I would be the girl. (Cause of course, two girls couldn't be a couple, according to social norms.)

Our love was innocent until we reached puberty because - hormones.

She would comment on my body and randomly keep whispering in my ears, "You look hot." And I would start blushing like crazy. My body was the thing I was most insecure about. I used to think I was fat and not at all beautiful. (Little credit to Isla)
But, Ruth made me feel special. She said she loved me just how I was. She said I was beautiful. Really beautiful. Inside out.