Only Us

Chapter 34

BEA

This is crazy. This whole damn thing is crazy and confusing. I'm furiously mad and extremely sad at the same time. I'm mad at myself because I never sensed she was leaving and at the same time I was not able to do anything to stop it. But why Ji? Why now? May one year ka pa 'di ba? We can try one more season and give the championship another shot. You and I, Ji.

I was looking at her from my seat as she struggled to finish her speech. In my mind, I was pleading and bargaining, hoping she would hear it mentally as well. There is still time to take it back, Ji. I promise to tie your shoelaces every training, I will bring you breakfast and take you to dinner in the evening. Kahit wala nang bet. Libre ko na lahat. Di na ako gugulo sa Moro therapy sessions mo. Tutulungan kita sa papers mo. I will take you home when you want me to and even be your personal driver if needed. Just say you'll stay one more year. Come on, Ji. The team needs you. You are the soul of this team. Ateneo needs you. I need you, Ji. I don't know how to play on without you by my side. What will we do without you?

At this point, I know I am not the only one pleading. But I guess, she never heard any of us. She went down the podium to return to her seat. She was met with hugs, mostly from the school officials and coaches. I wanted to hug her too. I was eager for my chance pero mukhang di ako makasingit. There was pandemonium inside the Gesu now. Everybody wanted to get near Jia. Perhaps, all of them wanted to convince her to stay. I left my seat and went towards the now empty altar. There were a few benches over at the side, so I made my way there and sat down.

Silently, I looked up the cross and mumbled every prayer I could think of.

Lord, I know this is not a decision for me to make but please give me strength to face this. This was all so sudden and I do not know how to keep hold of myself. You sent her to me, you made sure that we had this special bond and I know that I promised you many times that I would take care of her and make her happy because I was so blessed by you to have someone like her in my life. But right now, I am as broken as I would ever be. This feels like a chapter has ended and I do not know where and how to start. I cannot pick myself up anymore, kayo na po ang bahala. Ang bigat-bigat na and sobrang sakit na. Please, carry me and show me the way...

Suddenly, I felt someone touch my shoulder, I did not move. Perhaps it was a teammate calling me that we are leaving. Then, I turned around and saw that it was her. No one was around her this time, only her with her soulful eyes looking at me apologetically. Without wasting any time, I stood up and embraced her tightly, it was the tightest I ever held her, careful not to let go and making sure I had her firmly in my arms. Then, I lost it. Within that hug, tears flowed from my eyes while resting my face on her neck. I was crying with so much pain in the arms of the person who was the reason for these tears. She was crying too. I can tell because her shoulders were shaking. We were like this for quite a while. Time seemed to stop and all that I could sense was her. I cannot really tell for how long we stayed crying in each other's arms. This moment felt like eternity and I did not want it to end. I wanted to keep it this way. I didn't care if we looked like fools in front of the altar. I'm pretty sure people saw us, there were still a lot of them inside and Jia might still have this imaginary spotlight shining through her head. I didn't mind at all. This was our moment. When I let go, I am certain that others will swarm her again and I may never have my chance. Amidst everything, I asked her the question I was dying to ask.

Bea: Why, Ji?

She stood there and did not move. Suddenly she released herself from our embrace, looked at me and cupped my face with both her hands.

Jia: I am asking myself the same question, Bei. I hope I will find my answer soon. Stop crying na ha. Be strong for me. Promise me you will guide the team. You are their leader now.

Bea: Ji, stay please. I do not know what to do without you.

Jia: You will always have me with you. Promise 'yan. You know that I love you, Bei.

Bea: I love you, Jia.

I took both her hands from my face, held them tightly then kissed them lovingly as if they are the most precious thing on earth. When I opened my eyes, all my senses went back again. Suddenly, everything seemed bright and blinding, the people's voices returned, all loud and noisy, and I feel my heart pounding swiftly. Then I looked at her again, our eyes seemed to speak to each other and I saw how her eyes sparkled. A second after that, she turned around and got lost in the sea of blue and white wearing people waiting and wanting to have their turn to talk to her.