Only Us

Chapter 36

BEA

I have been in and out of my thoughts the whole time the team was here in my house. I am fully aware that we were supposed to celebrate the season that has passed. My parents have planned this out a long time ago and have always taken pleasure in inviting the team into our home. It was always like they were their other kids and that we are this one big family.

But this family is starting to crumble apart in front of my eyes. Ever since Jia's surprise announcement of not playing out her final year, everything has been in slow motion. So far, there is nothing that could snap me out of this rut. I kept on creating terrible scenarios in my head and kept on thinking what would happen without Jia. Not only without Jia in this team but more of how I would survive without Jia. She has kept me sane all throughout and even if she had given me intense pain before, this has to be the most heartbreaking of all.

So I just found myself a little space in the corner and watch them all celebrate. This team seems ecstatic when there's alcohol. Ano girls, you miss making walwal? Dahil the season just ended, parang may green light na silang lahat to get drunk. So di naman pwede na ako wala din go signal diba? So I opened a bottle and poured myself a drink. They are sharing one bottle at iniikot nila yung shotglass. I'd rather have this bottle to myself. Kahit minsan, I'd like to feel a little safe while standing on the edge. Parang I know di ako dapat magpasobra dahil bawal but it somehow comforts me and eases me. Parang si Jia.

Damn it, there I go with my thoughts again and why does it always have to be about her. I mean, look at her, still charming as ever and always held her ground. She stands for what she believes in. Ayaw ngang tumanggap ng drink from her teammates. Pag sinabi niyang no, no talaga, paninindigan niya yun. So no na talaga sa final player year? Irrevocable decision na? I took more and more drinks to get rid of my thoughts while still keeping my eyes on her.

I must have had too much because I see her coming towards me. Wait, am I drunk na ba talaga na I'm imagining things or do I really see her walking to me? Oh wait, she really is.

Jia: Bei, tama na yan. Marami ka nang nainom oh. You almost finished the whole bottle na.

Wait, have I really? So I checked the bottle and oo nga, looks like I almost finished it. Damn Bea. Di mo naman napigilan sarili mo.

Bea: Wala yan. This is my house naman. I can do whatever I want.

Jia: Yeah I know. But sa dami ng ininom mo, baka ma sobrahan ka and you will get a headache tomorrow.

Hay Jia talaga, why do you have to be so perfect? Alam na alam mo talaga yung nangyayari sa akin when I drink.

Bea: Pssh, wala yan. If I feel sick, I will just go to my room and rest.

Which is exactly what I'm feeling right now. Nahihilo na talaga ako. But I can't let her see this. So I poured myself another glass.

Jia: Bei, stop drinking na. (She took the bottle away from me as I was struck with the perfect bargain for it.)

Bea: If I stop, will you stay? (I looked intently into her eyes so she can see my sincerity)

Jia: Bei...

Bea: Hmph! I knew it!

I stood up forcefully. Lagi na lang kasi akong talo. Ako yung iniiwanan. Isa lang naman talaga yung gusto ko. Just her. Only her. Her in the team. Her with me. Her in my life. Her. Jia. That's it. Yun lang talaga. Ang bigat na ng ulo ko. My world is spinning. I looked at Jia. Then I saw the floor. Then I saw nothing.

The next thing I saw were flashbacks. Of everything, of what we had, of her smile, her face, her embrace. Everything that made me happy. Then a sudden shift. I again heard her voice. Her announcement of not playing her final year. Then I felt pain again. Then this endless worry of facing a world without her. And without me knowing it, I cried aloud.

Bea: Ji, don't leave me. You said you'll be in my life no matter what, diba? Bakit ka mang-iiwan?

JIA

When I heard her speak, I went closer to her to check if she was okay. Her eyes were closed, probably still asleep, but she was talking. So I listened to her.

Bea: Remember when I told you through my letter that I would let you live your life without forcing you to make me stay in yours? But guess what, Jia, I want you to stay in my life. I don't know what is it in you, but I know that you make me happy. Please, just stay. Just stay, Jia.

Jia: Bei, I don't know if you are awake or if you can hear me well, but please know that I would never want to leave you and the team. I am doing this for myself. In time, I know you would understand. For now, please take care of yourself. I would need you to be strong. Not just for me but for the team. This is the hardest thing I would have to do, Bei. I hate to leave, more so because I'm leaving without you. But please know that I will be bringing you wherever I go. I will always have you with me, Bea. Remember that well.

I stood up to leave but before I could muster the courage to walk out the door, I looked back and saw her still asleep. Even then, our souls seemed to connect, to magnetize. It was so strong that I was taken back towards her, unable to resist the urge to hug her tightly and kiss her forehead.

Jia: I love you Bea. Always.

Then I had to pull away. I needed to. I have to make it to my flight in a few hours.