Bts boyxboy oneshots

The sad truth of me

So this note might be a little triggering but it's just how I feel about it so I kinda wanted to share.

When meeting someone new do you always have a plan set out in your head?

I feel like not many people do but the people that have that, their plans never to right.

I met someone recently and he is the most adorable thing I have ever seen. He looks like jimin when he was younger and wore glasses.

He's new at my school and I tried to approach him to say hi or something like I could be a friend if he was having a hard time finding some.

Instead, I walked behind him in the halls while trying to get his attention and when I did I came off as this sad, dorky girl who is desperate for some kind of attention.

I feel like when people do things in their head than try to do it physically it never goes the same.

When I think of how people talk to me I sometimes wonder if that person thinks I'm the person in my head or some chubby girl who likes attention.

I've mentioned to some people who I call my friends, they are actually very violent, mean, and overall bad people, that I know I have attention problems and they've said things like 'you don't seem like it' or 'yeah I've noticed and you've been getting better'

When people say I'm getting better I think 'how am I, someone who always wants to be involved with drama, getting better?'

There's other people too who go 'yeah I've noticed and I don't care' and I kind of want to think of those people as the honest people.

This entire thing might not make since but as I grow from a middle schooler to something that I hope is so much better I am going to go through a lot of changes.

The one thing that I think will not change is my attention need.

Now people have called me hoes, sluts, attention whores, and even wannabe popular but they don't realize that I've never done anything that has to do with sexual attention. I've never looked at the cooler people in my school and thought that I was gonna try to make my way up there.

All I've done is tell lies to make myself seem better. I stretch the truth so it's not even true. I've asked someone to give me more attention to help me with it and all he's done was not hit me like he usually does.

Idk if I've mentioned it before but the people I hang out with are very toxic.

One guy used to hit me if I said anything related to my own interests.

Another guy never listened to any of my opinions because he thought I would say something about kpop.

A girl draws negative attention to herself and always has me by her side when she does. She tries to be relatable but never actually comes off as a relatable millennial.

One girl, who is almost dating the first guy, has believed everything he's said for the past two years without any question. She hits me now too, and I've been friends with her for most of my life.

The last girl went from a sweet quirky girl to some girl who is practically a slave to one guys attention and she cuts herself but acts the same all around.

I know the last girl could relate to me but I know for a fact that if I go through hard times I will not harm myself in any way. I'll flip out and want to hurt something but it will never be myself.

Now I'm thinking of how to leave the toxic group. I'm thinking of going up the the new kid and telling him that I'm sorry for setting a bad example and I hope we could be on good terms.

But because of the way I am I can't do either of those things.

When I try to leave the group I always get pushed back by those five people and I almost get to the point where I feel like I'm kind of trapped within myself.

When I make a plan in my head I always get to nervous and I start shaking uncontrollably to the point where I give up and make a new plan that will end up the same way.

I wrote something on my phone recently about how the kind of person that people want to be around is a confident person who knows their flaws and never troubled people with them.

I wrote myself in that position and wondered what it would actually be like to feel confident with myself.

I'm working out a little and eating healthier so when I get out of school and go back next year people would see me and say I've changed.

I don't want to change mentally but I feel like if I use my physical abilities for the better that my mental abilities would shine with them.

If anyone reads this and feels the same than please talk to me because I'm learning to break free of what society has put me in and be a better person.

I want to be my best possible self.

I hope everyone looks forward to being your best possible self as well.

Please don't let my words effect how you think my writing is and if you want to you can ignore this.

Just let me say thank you for 1k reads and being your best self.

💜💜💜💜💜💜