The Silent One

{Four}

It takes me all night to get my composure back together. And even at school, I jump at the slightest noise or touch. My throat is sore from choking back sobs, and the feeling is new to me. I haven't had a sore throat in years.

All morning, I marvel at how much I've managed to forget. But then again, I know I haven't really forgotten. I've just pushed it all to the back of my mind. My art is the only thing that's kept me from thinking about it all too much.

I was tempted to stay home that morning and focus on my art, but my mom was actually home, and I know that if I had tried to stay home, it wouldn't have worked out. Funnily enough, I could never fake being sick, because I could never tell anyone what was wrong. So, here I am, at school, in Science, passing notes to Kevin.

Again.

I had really thought this wouldn't be happening, two days in a row.

But it is.

I don't know why I even bother to put on a mask. I could burst into tears in the middle of class and the only one who would notice would be the teacher. And maybe Kevin. Is it wrong to believe so strongly that he'll get tired of passing notes and forget me? That's what everyone else has done. Why should he be any different?

But as the day went on, I'm not so sure. He seems different. He acts different. Kevin even sat by me at lunch today. I just can't understand why he's trying so hard.

Why does he even care?

That question is still on my mind whenever I get home. But what I see on the doorstep pushes everything out of my mind.

A green balloon, tied to a clump of wood.

My first reaction? Anger. Is this some sick, twisted joke? Has Steven's ghost come back to haunt me because I'm a horrible person? Are people trying to mess with my mind?

I fume for a full ten minutes (throwing things helps) before I finally break down. Why am I forced to remember? Why does this have to be happening to me, especially after what's already happened? This isn't fair...

I remember it.

It scares me how clearly I remember it; better than as if it were yesterday.

xxx

It was Steven's 14th birthday party. Well, it would've been a party, but no one else showed up. It was just me, and him. That's how it usually was. We had always been the loners, together.

Green was his favorite color, so almost everything was green. Mint ice cream, green food, and neon green balloons... there was enough green to make someone sick. But he loved it, so I bit my tongue.

I talked back then.

We joked and sang and danced the night away. And when I started to get tired, he walked me home.

It was cold.

And I had a green balloon.

I remember watching it float away. Soon, it was a dot of bright green in a clear, black sky.

There weren't any stars that night.

xxx

I jerk out of my thoughts and pick up something glass. Before I even realize what I'm doing, the glass hits the wall and shatters.

I'm breathing heavily, and my hands are trembling. I stand there, breathing through my nose, until a sob escapes my lips. And then I curl into a ball on my bed and cry.

I cry. And cry. And cry. And I remember it all.

Remembering's painful.

Crying's painful.

But I'm still silent.

xxx

- Alyssa <3