Just Like the Night

Hate Me Please

"So how was it?" Yoongi questioned as soon as Abby entered the car.

     "Fine. Yoongi, I thought we agreed that you'd stop smoking. You are literally killing yourself." Abby replied as she watched Yoongi remove the cancer stick from his mouth and exhale a toxic cloud of smoke.

     Yoongi enjoyed allowing the toxic nicotine to invade his body, allowing it to have the power to end his life. Though the cigarette did the killing, Yoongi wielded the weapon. He had the power to cause himself pain and he relished in the sureness of that.

     He was once Abby's night in shining armor, saving her from herself, but now, he doesn't feel like any savior. He still feels the same as he did that night. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be in his car, hearing the loud thunder-like roar of his engine as he storms down the street towards his apartment. He doesn't want to feel the cool wind against his skin and he doesn't want to see the wind blow Abby's hair, giving her a wild, but peaceful appearance. He doesn't want to witness him slowly break her more than she's already broken, but he can't allow her to hope that he can love her, when he knows he can't.

     "Isn't that the whole point? We agreed that I would stop smoking and you'd stop hurting yourself, but I still see new scars on you every now and then."

     Abby's face visibly darkened as she unconsciously pulled down her sleeves and looked down at her feet in shame.

     "They're on your legs now too. Did you think you could hide them from me? We hang out all the time and even though it's literally fucking winter you wear shorts around the house. Did you really think I wouldn't notice?" Yoongi argued.

     "I'm sorry alright. I know I should stop, I do Yoongi. We should both stop hurting ourselves. We deserve to be happy, let's not get in our own way." Abby removed the cigarette from Yoongi's mouth and threw it out the window.

     Yoongi glared at the younger before turning his attention back to the road. No words were exchanged between the two the entire ride, and as Yoongi exited the car it seemed that it would remain that way. Abby was used to the silence but still had a sinking feeling in her stomach that led her to question the elder.

     "Yoongi are you okay?"

     "Yeah, are you?"

     "I think so but I just wanna talk. We haven't talked much recently."

     "What do you wanna talk about?"

     "Um.. The predate," Abby hesitated.

     "Ok so what happened?" Yoongi questioned.

     "Everything was going fine until Jackson brought up his friends. I think they bet him, or at least convinced him to ask me out. It wasn't actually his decision. I don't enjoy feeling like some experiment Yoongs. It feels horrible."

     "I'm not trying to take up for this Jackson guy, and if he hurts you I will break his face, but he doesn't seem like the type of person to play with the feelings of others. I mean if he was he wouldn't have gone on the predate in the first place and he wouldn't have told you about his friends. I know trust is hard for you, but maybe you should trust him Abby. Let him in like you let me in."

     "I had no choice but to let you in Yoongi." And maybe I don't want to let anyone in like I let you, Abby thought.

     Yoongi looked at Abby with a look that she perceived as pity, and she despised him for looking at her in such a way. She wanted him to look at her lovingly, and longingly, as if he was star struck by her very being. The look that adorned his face now made her turn away from the man and leave his apartment.

     "I have to study remember," Abby said before closing the door with a soft click.

     Yoongi would have preferred for her to slam the door, for her to be angry at him, but the soft click shattered every fiber of his being. He didn't want to hurt her, but hurting her now would save her from a world of pain later. He didn't want to get her hopes up. He could never love her, not while he was like this anyway. Her hating him was a much better option, and with Jackson in the picture, the right thing to do became even more clear to Yoongi. He would send her running into the arms of Jackson Wang.

     Tears welled up in Abby's eyes as she kept visualizing the expression that painted Yoongi's face. Her hands shook as she attempted to unlock her apartment door. Tears cascaded down her face as she bit her lip to quiet her sobs. Eventually she unlocked her door, slamming it behind her before dropping all her stuff at her door and trudging to her room. She sunk into her mattress, allowing it to envelop her in its comforting embrace.

     I'm so stupid, she told herself. I know how Yoongi feels about love, how could I let myself fall in love with him? I'm only hurting myself. I'm the one causing these tears to fall from my eyes and I'm the one who leaves these hideous scars on my body. I have no right to sulk about pain I have inflicted on myself, how pathetic have I become?

...

     While Abby was lying on her bed in deep thought, Yoongi was on his couch, fiddling with a pack of cigaretts he had just purchased before he picked her up. He made his way to his bathroom then flushed the entire pack, grinning at the discarded contents as they became nothing.

     I'll stop, but you have to too. Anything that's one sided isn't a good thing.

     Yoongi walked back to his living room and sat on his couch. He picked up his leather bound journal and flipped through the crisp pages. He stopped upon the song that he had left uncompleted for months. The song he sang to the sad, broken girl on the roof. He erased and erased, it all felt so wrong. The words that littered the page, the erasing of the lyrics and his past, the smell that hung in the air as he brushed the eraser shavings off the paper. It all felt wrong. Yoongi decided to change a few lines, to reference the him that he was now, instead of the old Min Yoongi that Abby helped him end. I killed Min Yoongi, and you, Abby Childers, were my partner in crime.

Back then I found you in a pit of despair
Even when I pushed you away
Even when you resented meeting me
I was firmly by your side
You didn't say anything

He wrote.

A/N:
AYOOOO I finished another chapter boizzz. I started this a while back but like stopped and when I read the draft I had for this I was so confused oooof. I don't know where I was going with that but I'm glad I didn't.. Might put it somewhere else though huehuehue. Anyway hope you loved it bro. Tell me if you cry because I actually did and I don't know why..