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CH 5: try to give you warning but everyone ignores me

hey loves :)
tw// relasping on self harm
please call 1-800-827-7571 if you are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts
stay safe
DALLON'S POV

brendon had been clean of everything for a month. i am so proud of him. so, i'm planning a little surprise for him. i got his friends (ryan ross, nicole, dan, jon, and ian) and some of mine (ryan seaman, ronnie) and his ex, sarah.

the reason i got his ex is that i want to show her that he has changed. sarah and i keep in touch and she never believes me, so i want to show her proof.

it was just gonna be a sweet little party. celebrate it, have a little cake, play some games, no drugs or alcohol whatsoever. it was gonna be today at five PM.

i told brendon to go hang out at spencer and linda's house, and invited all of the aforementioned friends. the reason i didn't invite spence and linda is that they're gonna drive him here, and that spencer and linda didn't know he abused drugs/alcohol.

i got all of them to our house and made sure everything and everyone were hiding. the only thing showing was the cake, but it didn't give it away. i smiled. he's gonna love this.

he got home ten minutes later, announcing it sheepishly. i got up from my spot on the couch and whispered a 'go' to everyone. once they saw me hugging bren, they got out of their hiding spots

"surprise!" they all yelled. he flinched at how loud it was, but laughed along. he looked happy, hopefully he was.

BRENDON'S POV

what was this for? it's not my birthday, it's not anything special.

"im so proud of you baby." dallon whispered. oh, thats what this is about. me staying clean and sober for a month.

wait, why was sarah here? i haven't seen or talked to her in ages. i knew that dallon kept in touch with her, but really? it didn't matter in all honesty, but it felt weird being around her now.

after we celebrated, which honestly felt nice, they left. i had said sorry to sarah for fucking her over. for some reason, she forgave me.

they all left by around seven PM, and i was beyond nervous. i had a panic attack at spencer's and had cut. so, i felt as if i was lying through my teeth about being clean for a month.

DALLON'S POV

i felt as if brendon was nervous. he was hiding his arms way more than usual, and was very jumpy. he looked as if he were ready to cry. so i went up to him, and hugged him from behind.

"ah! babe!" he laughed, smiling. his smile was contagious, so much so that i was starting to laugh with him. our laughing died down, me holding him. everything felt at peace for once.

he had been starting to face withdrawals, so much so he started snapping at me a lot of the time. he's better, but no where near coping.

i had been telling him to cut breezy out, but he said he's too scared to cut her out. he had said last time he tried to, she was going to contact his therapist and rat him out.

breezy was so toxic. she was an alcoholic, a very heavy alcoholic at that. she did meth and heroin at one point, but when i left her, she was on mainly cocaine and xanex.

when she had met brenny, she was mainly on meth and cocaine. and now, i don't have a clue. i was always scared for brendon when he went out partying with her, because she always notorious for getting really physical.

we got ready for bed earlier than usual, at around 9:30 PM, we usually got ready at 10-10:30 PM. i got in the shower with him, and he was crying.

i looked down at him, then lower, to his arms, and looked back at his face. he was looking at his feet. i put two soft fingers under his chin and lifted his head up, he looked at me, and cried even harder.

"babe, baby, why'd you cut? you were doing so well babe." i told him solemnly. he tried to tell me, but couldn't. i held him near my chest and shushed him.

"baby boy, calm down. copy my breathing pattern love. breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for seven seconds. come on baby" i told him.

he started calming down, faster because the water on his back.

"can you tell me now beebo?" i ask, hoping he'll tell me. he sniffles a bit and answers softly.

"i, i had a panic attack at spencer's and umm, relapsed on cutting. i couldn't control the feeling, it just rushed at me and i started panicking. i'm sorry dal." he hiccuped out.

i smiled sadly and hugged him. he buried his head in my chest, sniffling. i started rubbing his back, hoping he wouldn't mind it.

he didn't, he just let me. after a dew minutes i let go and got the shampoo we used. i guess i would wash him tonight.

i was fine with it, so i hopes he didn't freak out. he was so sweet and sensitive when he wasn't on drugs for a while.

i started scrubbing his arms and chest with a loofa, looking at him when i got lower. his eyes looked like glass, ready to shatter in mere moments.

he shook his no, and i smiled at him. i gave him the loofa and let him clean the rest of himself. i shampooed his hair and helped him wash it out.

i cleaned and shampooed my hair, and after that, hugged brendon under the water. he smiled lightly and hugged me back.

i turned the water off and got out, getting a towel for brendon first. he was shivering by the time i got it for him.

i got a towel for myself and dried myself off. bren was drying himself off and i got his clothes (a shirt that was mine and some boxers) and mine (boxers and a hoodie).

"can i, can i have your hoodie dal?" he whispered, looking embarrassed. i smiled and switched my hoodie for my shirt. he got his boxers on and put on the hoodie.

he literally swam in it because of how big it was. i smiled and put my clothes on, carrying him bridal style to the bed. he laughed at my attempt to be romantic.

"sorry for relapsing." he murmurs after a few minutes of silence.

"its okay, you were panicking. just tell me, call me, or try to stop yourself if you ever feel like that. i'm always here for you baby." i hummed.

he sighed and relaxed in my arms. he fell asleep, me turning in for the night only but a few minutes later.

a/n: hi loves. hope you're having a great day/night/whatever time it is for you :)
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