Advice, Rants, and Random Shiz

anxiety

okay, so i'm in the car on the way to a state-qualifying flute solo.

now if you haven't noticed by now i'm a complete and utter anxiety-ridden mess that somehow holds herself together every day. with that in mind, let's continue.

so i'm a total band geek, principal first chair and all. this past school year has been entirely band and work, both pushing me WAY out of my comfort zone. and i've learned one important lesson from my experiences so far.

do. what. makes. you. anxious.

now we all have anxiety, and since many of you are most likely introverted fangirls/boys, i bet at least 80% of you have a mental hindrance of some sort...take that as you will, it's not an insult. mine is anxiety.

ah yes, anxiety, when butterflies in your tummy turn to angry moths eating at the light of your soul. when you ask yourself the same questions repeatedly, overthink everything, and constantly think about that comeback to the argument you had five years ago.

okay, onto the advice. i did a solo last year and got a silver. bombed the whole thing and cried after. said i was never doing it again because it was too nerve wracking and stupid and ill never be good enough.

well YEET. because i moved up to the highest group by choice.

my hand shook as i put my pencil to the sign-up sheet and wrote a big, fat #1 to indicate that i thought i was good enough to be a state qualifier.

so instead of practicing for six months like a good musician, i got lessons wayyy too late in the game, got my solo barely a month before the contest, and had to learn how to actually play my instrument and properly follow a challenging piece of music.