Advice, Rants, and Random Shiz

Update on my life

Hello...sorry about my last chapter.

Bro I was messed uP.

But for real, my brain was so fucked and my body wasn't handling the effects well. I was in so much pain in every way possible and I had no way to verbally express my feelings, so I impulsively did so on here.

Probably not the best idea but I'm not taking that chapter down. It's valid just like the rest of my feelings.

So in short, I was abused when I was younger mentally, sexually, physically and emotionally. I was so young, so it really set me up for pain especially later in my life.

My father was the perpetrator. He was a pathological liar and a severe narcissist. He has depression and bipolar pretty bad. I can't quite pinpoint other illnesses, and he has always refused to get help. He self-medicates with alcohol, drugs, and pills. He believes he is always right, and all the negative things in his life happen because he is somehow the victim.

I never came out about the abuse. Whenever I started to notice things were abnormal, he would tell me I was a liar/delusional. I was so confused for so long.

I started having flashbacks once I got into my relationship. 

I knew something was definitely wrong.

I met my father for a legal reason two months ago. This man is weird asf and completely stuck in his own reality. I tried to reason and was honestly mature and respectful, but I ended up giving up, going off on him, and storming out of the restaurant and his life.

Forever.

I am now in therapy and moving forward to make progression in my own life.

I will continue to update. It's helpful for me and I hope someone, at least one person, is there to listen...

I have always had issues verbally expressing myself (despite being deemed well-spoken). Things like PTSD cannot be put into words. The feelings are so painful, so conflicting, so desiring for the chance to get better and move on.

I love you all, thank you so much for reading.

~Lumos