Excuse mistakes.
Ebony|E
"Shh...Aden, love—" Aden screamed over my cooing as I sat on the edge of my bed with him. I tried to feed him, I changed him, I rocked him—nothing worked. I tried to pop a pacifier in his mouth, but he just spit it out and cried louder.
There were good and bad days through these weeks—mostly bad. And they got worse.
I fucking suck at this. How the fuck am I supposed to raise I child if I can't even put him to sleep? I can't even soothe my baby. I'm horrible, already. I rocked with him, tears streaming down my face as I did. I began to sob and look down at my beautiful boy. Maybe I'm not fit to be a mother...
I just shook my head and made my way from my bedroom to the kitchen, cooing and bouncing him the whole way there. I cut the light on and paced the kitchen floor, basically begging him to be quiet. I felt like I had no control as I stopped in the middle of the floor and just cried. I sobbed, still bouncing him.
"Oh, my poor baby..." I opened my watering eyes to see mama, ignoring the stinging. "Here baby, let me see him. Give me a second." She said as she took the baby. She eventually got him quiet, but I hardly noticed from being spaced out. She came back and I focused in again.
"Mama, I'm a bad parent..." I sobbed into my hands.
"You're not—so stop." She took me into an embrace and held me as I cried.
The next day, I woke up to the smell of food and my body tangled in my comforters. I got up and went to the bathroom. I touched my swollen face in the mirror, shaking my head. I hopped in the shower, relief filling me as the hot water ran on my skin. After I was done, I put on my clothes and went into the kitchen.
I walked in to see Tay and mama in the kitchen. I sat down on the sofa quietly, the courage to speak leaving me altogether.
"Good morning, ugly." Tay teased as he sat down beside me. I offered him a weak smile and squeeze his hand.
"Good morning, bitch." I told him. "Where my child?"
"Our child in the baby bed sleep, duh. I hope you ready to be out and about."
"Shid." I twisted my lips and sat back. "Not looking like this."
"You be worried bout the wrong thing. You cute to me." He said, wrapping his arms around me. I sucked my teeth.
"I'm not cute to me, see the problem?" I removed his hands and scooted over.
"What do you need to feel cute?" He asked.
"I want my shape back. I want my hair and nails done. I just wanna be decent again like, damn."
"I got you. Go put on your shoes."
*
"Oooh, Damn who is that?" Tay teases when I pulled up to the meeting spot he told me to come too. I had my nails done, 28 inch bundles installed, makeup done, and a yellow and pink nike outfit on. My stomach was kind of poking out, but I tired to ignore it. I still felt cute.
"Shut up." I smiled big as he hyped me up. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me on the lips.
"You look beautiful as always, ma." He mumbled, making my face heat.
"Why, thank you. Where are we going?" I asked, wrapping my arms around his neck.
"The fair down the street. Come on." I took my arms from around him and he took my hand.
"Why didn't we just park there?"
"It's packed." He said as we walked down to the street. A couple minutes later, we were walking up to the admissions booth to buy our way in.
