Ebony|E
It felt like my heart was gonna explode into a million pieces as I watched the car pull off, taking my pride and joy with it. How did it come to this? Why does everything always end in a disaster?
"How the fuck he even know where we live? You know I can't stand muhfuckas having my address n shit! You had the nerve to give a nigga you was fuckin' my address? HUH?" I could barely get my bearings as Sean pulled me into our bedroom and shut the door.
"No!" I exclaimed. "I didn't even know he was out, hand to God!" I told him truthfully. He was already mad, nothing I could say would calm him down, I would just have to suffer. I learned over time that talking wouldn't unboil his blood, and he didn't care if he was entertaining guests right below the window of the room he beat me in. Once he had the itch, he was gonna scratch it.
Of course, it wasn't always like this.
I didn't wanna stop talking to Tay, even when I got with Sean. As a matter of fact, I didn't even like Sean like that. The plan was simple, get some money to benefit my son and my love, and leave his square ass alone. Obviously, it didn't work out like that.
I met Sean at a charity event my school was having, a gala. Over refreshments, I learned that he had moved to the Atlanta area for work, and he was attending that gala because he donated to the school--since he went there in the past. And, apparently, he was very interested in me. He was smarter than me, older than me, very well established. At first, I thought the fact that I had a son and a locked-up baby daddy would scare him off, but it didn't. So I decided to capitalize. I took a risk, and it was a bad one.
First, he took me out on dates. After the dates, he would want to make sure I made it home safely. When he said call him, he meant that. I mean, it was fine to me. It only made my eyes roll when he would get pissy about me not checking in, claiming that he was concerned about my wellbeing.
He cashed me out, bought me what I wanted, no matter who it was for. He said he wanted to take care of me, make sure that looking pretty and taking care of my kid was my only job. I moved in with him. Suddenly, he didn't like any of the company I kept. I slowly stopped contacting everybody to keep him happy. Next thing you know, I'm getting hit for every little thing.
I stayed because I feared for Aden. He never did anything to him or in front of him. I didn't wanna try to leave and put my son in immediate danger. I knew whatever move I made had to be the correct one, or I would die with no justice.
When Sean told me to give Aden up, at first I was against it completely. He had me fucked up. But then, I could almost see myself slipping out of the door with nothing in my hand but my purse. Not a crying child, not a car seat, none of that. Just a purse.
Hours after he was done with me, our engagement party officially ended. The last two guests, his closest friends, decided to call it a night. By this point, Sean was drunk and happy. I knew I had to speed things along as far as him falling asleep went.
"Baby?" I called out to him, wearing his favorite lingerie set as I walked into the hallway. "Come up here." I instructed, taking deep breaths so I could stop shaking. I heard him stumble up the stairs, sitting down on the bed before he burst through the bedroom door.
"What?" He slurred, before getting a good look at me. "Oooohhh, it's finna go down, huh?" He asked, smiling as he swayed a bit.
"Yeah, come here." I said, scooting up the bed. He was so drunk that I had to do all the work. Eventually, I got him to sleep. As soon as I heard snores, I knew he was out until the next morning. I hurried and jumped in the shower, scrubbing my body. I quietly moved around and got ready to leave, leaving an envelope with his name on it, along with the engagement ring on the nightstand. The letter basically said to fuck around and find out, in case he wanted to come look for me. I hoped that was enough to keep him at bay, since all I wanted to do was live my best life with my son. I quietly exited the room with fresh clothes and my purse.
I made my way outside and started my car, pulling out of the driveway so fast, I'm surprised I didn't burn rubber. The whole ride to my old apartment, the butterflies were so bad that I felt like I would throw up. I felt like I was gonna look in the rearview mirror and see his car. I felt like he would find where I was, even though I had never brought him there. I just felt so on edge. Eventually, I made it. I felt relief blanket me as my mom opened the door. She damn near jumped in my skin as she stepped out to hug me.
"Hey, mama." Was all I could whisper, hugging her back and bursting into tears. We inched into the house and she locked the door. Tay, Ziggy and Black were all on the sofa, looking at me with the pity face.
"Can y'all stop looking at me like that?" I asked, making them chuckle and get off the couch. Ziggy and Black dapped me up before pulling me into a long hug.
"Glad you home, potna." Ziggy told me as he let me go. Me and Tay just stared at each other.
"Let's go talk." I told him. He nodded, approaching me and the door and I told them we would be back. We headed to the car quietly. The first five minutes of the drive was quiet, until I spoke up.
"I know it ain't worth much, but the love I have for you never left. No matter where you wanna take this." Tay remained quiet, looking out the window. I explained to him everything. How I met Sean, how it escalated, etc.
"I don't know if we'll ever be the same, E." He said lowly. I knew this, but hearing it from his lips kind of broke me.
"I understand, Tay. Completely." I said softly.
"I heard everything you said. I can see why you did some of it...other shit I'm having some trouble understanding." He told me as I stopped at a red light. I nodded. "Another part of me is so fuckin' mad at you. You left me in there without knowing shit bout shit. I didn't know what to think, E. It's like you didn't even try. That's what part of me feel like, on some real shit. I aint say it was the logical part--but it's still part of me." He admitted.
"That's real." I told him, not really knowing what to say. I was scared, too scared to contact anybody, too scared to go against Sean. Many people won't understand, but I just have to live with that.
"Where do we go from here?" I asked, letting him take the lead. "Friends? Strictly coparents? More? Ball is in your court." I told him, putting my attention back on the road.
"I'm still in love with you, ma. Like the first day I saw you. Bad as hell and damn near still pissin' the bed. Like we still innocent. I'm still in love with you." Tay admitted.
"I feel the same way. But we not still innocent, Tay. I put you through so much shit. You put me through shit. Where do we go from here? How can we go from here?" I asked, confused and physically hurting on the inside. I wanted it to work with him, but I didn't see how I could build his trust back up.
"Ain't shit we can do but to reset. Start over." He mumbled. I shook my head.
"And how you suggest we do that?" I asked, not convinced.
"You remember what we said to each other when we first met?" He asked me, making me give him a questioning glance.
"It couldn't have been too deep, we were seven." I told him, making me smile. He laughed in amusement.
"I remember bar for bar. I told you--" As soon as the word 'Hey.' left his lips, it was like I was seven again, standing across from the little boy who made my tummy feel funny.
"Hi." I say shyly.
"Wha's yo name?"
"Ebony. Everybody calls me E." I waited for him to tell me his.
"My name Taymor, everybody calls me Tay."
"Damn, it seems like that wasn't even in this lifetime." I sighed, thinking back.
"So much shit done happened, you might as well say it was another lifetime." Tay said. "As far as we concerned, it was. This is our do-over. Our lifetime is here. With our son, and our future. As long as you want it to be." Tay told me. I could feel him looking at me for approval. I took the wheel in one hand and extended a pinky with the other.
"To another lifetime with you," I whispered. He hooked his pinky to mine, then grabbed my hand.
"To another lifetime."
