My Name is Stab

Chapter Eight - Stab

Theodora hardly noticed when the caravan reached the valley that was to become such an important part of her life. There was nothing unusual about that. She was sunk so deep into herself that she would hardly notice anything unless you stood right in front of her and shouted in her face. Only one tiny spark - the vague and irrational hope of revenge - was keeping her putting one foot in front of the other.

Thinking back, she was vaguely aware of some shouting and of being shoved around by Fat Git but it didn't immediately affect her so she didn't care. There was often shouting and she was often being pushed around.

The raid happened the next morning when they were still huddled together in the relative warmth of the blankets. The first thing she knew about it was when the bullets started flying and the guards started dying. By then, she knew enough about bullets to know that she didn't want anything to do with them. She was already lying close to the wagon so she just rolled underneath it.

After a while, the shooting stopped and she saw Fat Git lying on the ground. He'd been wounded but wasn't dead. Suddenly the embers that had been smouldering within her burst into flame.

REVENGE.

She almost ran towards him and tried to show him, as best she could, what she thought about the way he had been treating her over the last week.

Then a woman appeared - the woman she would learn was called Laura.

It was immediately clear, just by looking at her, that things didn't just happen to Laura. Nobody raped and killed her family and nobody bought and sold her.

"Hang on," Laura said.

'Hang on!' not 'Stop!' or 'Down on your knees!' or even 'Get lost!' Theodora must have looked at her in astonishment. It was the first reasonable thing anyone had said to her in weeks.

Laura took the revolver out of Fat Git's hand. It vaguely occurred to Theodora that she really should have thought of that too but, by that time, she was so far gone that she was pretty much past caring whether he shot her or not.

Then Laura gave Theodora one of the guard's spears.

She could have cried. Laura understood! But instead she set about making what was left of Fat Git's life as miserable as possible.

Things remained quite a blur. Theodora was vaguely aware that they were getting excited about finding the remains of Lorraine in the back of the wagon and felt obliged to let them know who it was but she didn't let it interrupt her stabbing. The stabbing had to go on. That was the most important thing.

Eventually Laura came across to her and made it clear that Fat Git was as dead as he was ever going to get. She had a point but Theodora would never really feel as if he was quite dead enough. She allowed them to lead her away but had no intention of letting go of her spear. They gave her some food - proper food - not eating people - and then Laura helped her to find some sensible clothes - warm - she had forgotten what warm felt like.

Then they asked her whether she wanted to join their group. She couldn't imagine a single thing she would rather do. She wanted to be like Laura. In fact, she wanted to be Laura.

They got quite excited again when Theodora pointed out some strange columns of smoke on the horizon but it had an unexpected benefit. The one called Phil asked Laura to show 'Stabber Girl' how to use one of the rifles.

Poor Phil was suddenly very embarrassed about calling her 'Stabber Girl' and Theodora would have wanted to laugh if she had not decided that she was never going to laugh again. After weeks of mind numbing cruelty and humiliation, a jokey nickname was really not a problem.

But then it struck me.

I wasn't Theodora any more. I was Stab.

Laura said it better than I could. "Theodora was just a victim. Things just happened to her. Nothing ever just happens to Stab."

She showed me how to use the rifle - she even suggested that I use Fat Git as a target, propping him up against a tree using one of the spears.

And, when she had finished, she got ready to leave. I announced that I was going with her.

She told me flatly that I wasn't. I didn't know what I was doing and would be a liability.

She even took the time to explain to me that, by choosing to join their little community, I was choosing to follow their rules. She wouldn't even let me get upset about it. Fair enough, I suppose.

She did promise that I could join their army, though!

So I was left alone with Phil. We managed to move the wagon a little way back down the road and then we had a while to wait until Laura returned. He told me a bit about their setup and, in return, I told him about what had happened to Theodora.

When I had finished, he told me that he wanted to give me a hug and I have to admit that I found that a bit frightening. I mean, these people seemed OK but I'm not going to let anybody get that close to me for a long time... if ever.

But I'm never going to forget what he said next. "Then I promise you this. If the opportunity arises, and as long as it doesn't endanger my wife and kids, I will help you to get your revenge on that gang."

That was much, much better than any hug.

When they made me eat my little sister, I decided that I was never going to cry again. I was never going to care so much about anything that I would have to.

Otherwise I would probably have cried at that.