My Name is Stab

Chapter Ten - Susan

We were met at the door by a boy about my age with red hair. I gave him a double take because I thought I ought to recognise him but I didn't know where from. I didn't think I knew any boys with red hair.

"This is Ron, my sort-of-brother," James said by way of introduction. "And this is Stab."

"Stab?"

"Stab!"

I was impressed by the way James managed to fit, 'Shut up for now, bruv, and I'll explain later!' into that single word. He's definitely good at this brothering thing. I caught Theodora wondering about what it would be like to have James as a big brother and firmly pushed her back into her box.

"Oh," Ron went on to James, "Susan wants you to take the new girl... Stab," he smiled at me, "up to her room for a quick word when you get in."

"Thanks!" James said to Ron. "Will do!"

"No rest," he said to me with a smile. "Susan's a nurse and she'll just want to give you a checkup, I guess. This way."

He led me upstairs, knocked on a door then disappeared. Susan invited me into a bedroom that obviously doubled as her surgery. She closed the door, locked it then handed the key to me. "That's just to ensure we have privacy," she explained. "You may leave any time but I'd rather you didn't."

She even sat so that I was between her and the door. I thought that that was a nice touch.

Then she explained that she wouldn't repeat anything I told her without my permission.

These people were trying really hard to be understanding.

She asked me a whole series of questions about the physical aspects of my treatment over the last couple of weeks including whether I'd been raped and details of how I had been mistreated.

She must have noticed that, throughout, I spoke about Theodora as a different person but she didn't say anything about it. She even went along with it.

She also didn't try to touch me - for which I was very grateful - but she did ask me to show her various bits. After being held naked by a gang of men for a week and then being made to parade around the countryside in underwear for several more days, a no-contact inspection from a nurse was really no big deal.

When she had finished, she told me that I was as well as could be expected in the circumstances. I was badly underweight, of course, but that was the case for pretty much everyone these days. There wasn't much anyone would be able to do about that until spring.

And then she sat back and said, "Stab, I'm going to tell you something about the sort of problems that we often see after the sort of serious trauma I suspect you've been through. Now obviously I don't know what happened to you..."

"Didn't Phil tell you? I thought you were married to him."

"That's right. But because of the jobs we do, we know there are things that we can't tell each other. If you told it to him in confidence, I would expect him to respect that."

"Oh!" These people just keep on being unexpectedly, almost accidentally, nice to me. I gave her a two minute summary of what had happened to Theodora since the lights went out.

"Oh, you poor baby," she said when I had finished. There were tears in her eyes. She had to take a couple of seconds before she could go on. I could see her battling with her emotions trying, I suppose, to keep her detached and professional thing going. At last she managed to pull herself together.

"Anyway, the sort of problems that we might see include things like: nightmares that stop you from sleeping properly; flashbacks at difficult times; mood swings; depression; feeling that everything is hopeless or that you're useless; and feeling guilty about surviving when other people didn't."

She deliberately paused for a moment then added, "Or even suicidal thoughts. These are all completely normal."

I couldn't meet her eye and she didn't try to force me to do so.

"Did you understand everything I said?" she asked.

I nodded.

"If any of these things start to become a problem for you, there are things we can do. For example, I have some drugs, such as sleeping tablets, that might help to deal with the symptoms. I need you to come and talk to me if you are having those sorts of problems."

Another nod.

"This is really important, Stab. Please would you promise me? I'm not saying I can make it go away or anything stupid like that but I may well be able to help you deal with some of the resulting difficulties."

I still couldn't meet her eye but I did manage to say, "I understand... and I promise."

"Thank you." I could hear her smile.

"The other thing that might help is if you talk to someone about what happened and about how you feel about it. That certainly doesn't have to be me but, of course, my door is always open. Will you think about that too, please?"

Another nod.

"That's all I've got to say for now. Have you got any questions?"

A shake of the head.

"Then should we go and see how they're doing with tea?"

I gave her a puzzled look when she made no move to get up.

"You're going to have to let us out!" she told me with a smile.

I almost smiled back at that. This is getting dangerous. These people just keep slipping past my defences.

As we went to join the others, she told me that, after tea, I needed to have a proper wash. "It'll just be a tin bath in front of the stove," she warned me, "but... let's just say, you need it."