withered || jikook [discontinued]

seventeen.

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This can't be happening, no.

This can't...

be happening...

---

I just sat on the bed, looking at the yellow petals on my palm. My mind went blank and I couldn't move or think. It was as if everything went crashing down again,

Just like years ago,

When you left me.

Just thinking of you makes my chest sting more.

I felt a sharp pain in my ribcage,

Like something was stabbing me,

And I started coughing.

As I coughed I could only think of why it must be you out of all people,

Why must it be you, someone who I can no longer be with,

Why must it be you, who stole my heart unknowingly even after years, and even after you found someone else.

Tears prickled my eyes as I coughed,

Feeling as if something was clogging my windpipe.

I couldn't breathe properly,

And I wanted to die just then.

But all that came out,

Was a petal.

And another.

And another.

Until it covered the floor near my bed.

I closed my eyes and panted heavily,

Tears streaming down,

As I sobbed,

At how terrible my fate is,

At how exhausted I am of life,

At how I miss and want you so badly,

To have you in my arms, and have me in yours,

To be able to wake up beside you, snuggled into your warmth,

To be able to kiss you and hug you and say I love you a million times and get them back in reply,

But I can never get you back.

Not even as these petals keep coming out of me.

Not even me losing my life because of loving you,

Will you ever be able to love me back,

Because you have him now.

Someone who makes you happier than I could ever done.

---

I opened my eyes and I've never felt so exhausted. My throat felt so dry and coarse that it hurts to even swallow. I tried to push myself out of bed but failed and fell to the floor with a loud thud. I couldn't even let a sound out as I got on my wobbly legs to drink.

And the moment the liquid went inside my throat, it burns.

It burns so badly.

But I forced myself to keep drinking and after a while, the pain went away and my throat never felt happier to come in contact with water.

It felt so refreshing that I smiled a bit, but my mouth dropped as soon as I turned to see the huge, yellow pile of mess near and on my bed.

It wasn't a dream afterall. It was all real.

I wanted to scream so badly but I couldn't find the energy to. I just half walked towards my bed and swiped all the petals off as best as I could. I barely felt a thing as I continued to clean, emotionally drained from waking up to this horrid reality.

I turned my head to see that it was 12.34 p.m. meaning that I missed some lectures and is late for work. But I could care less as I kept cleaning everything, putting the soft petals into a plastic bag before disposing it.

I figured that I would get some lunch as I haven't eaten anything since morning and I can feel weaker and weaker every second.

Maybe I should just starve myself and die.

But they would be worried about me, and will probably barge into my apartment and find out about this mess.

I sighed since I didn't want them to know, so I forced myself to walk downstairs and grab some meal from the convenient store beside the building.

Only putting on a coat on top of my pyjamas, I walked out of my apartment to grab some food. I decided that I would take the lift since I wasn't feeling so strong today, and as I waited, I turned my phone on.

I wasn't surprised when I saw Hobi hyung bombarding and spamming messages asking if I'll come to work. Since I didn't want him to worry about me being "sick", I simply texted back that I was out of town and forgot to tell everyone, hoping that he'll believe it.

I heard a ding, signalling that I'm already at the bottom floor. I got out and gave a small smile to the owner who was guarding the building, putting my hands in the pocket of my coat as I walked to the store next door.

I must've looked like a freak; messy hair, pale face, dead eyes, PJ's, slippers and a coat. But I couldn't care less at the people staring as I immediately bought my food.

I scurried out of the store after paying and immediately went back to my apartment. It was a good thing as I started to feel dizzy and I nearly bumped into my desk.

I went over to my bed and sat there. Normally, I wouldn't eat on the bed since I don't want to wash the sheets if it gets dirty but I was just so tired and drained that I don't care. So I opened my meal and eat in silence, only glancing out at the window that is covered by the curtains.

That was when I noticed how dark the apartment is. Usually I'd let some sunshine in but today, it was pretty dark. The only source of light in the room was the one coming from the window, where rays of light peeked through the openings of the curtains.

I usually hate it when the room isn't well illuminated but today is an exception.

It felt nice being in a dark, it was comforting. For the first time in my life, the dark doesn't feel so bad.

It was as if the darkness is my companion, just sort of lingering there as I ate the average-tasting meal.

And before I knew it, I was already finished with my meal. I didn't remember tasting much from the food and just ate absentmindedly. I sighed as I threw the package away, gulping an amount of water before going back to the bed to sleep.

I felt so numb that I didn't even notice the darkness consuming me.

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//Hi I know I don't update much but uh yeah, school sucks, life sucks. I'm still thankful that people are still reading tho?? Like,,, wow,,,,,, I didnt expect someone to still read these hsjsjdj but really thank you for reading ùwú also I know this chapter might not be like the others bc it's kind of jimin's "breaking point" (but not really-) and he's just,, having a hard time ;;v;;