She is my friend who always wears cardigans. She's on the small side but her sunny presence fills up the room and I don't think she knows it.
She told me once that she was scared. We were walking down a dark hallway in school at around 8 PM. It was quiet, our friends' voices sounded distant even as we drew near. The air was chilly and the moon was full. But she wasn't talking about monsters or ghosts. No, she was talking about the future.
"I'm not good enough for this responsibility," she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper. "I'm just me. If I screw anything up, then—"
"Then we'll find a way to laugh about it and try again," I told her with a shrug. "You know, you're one of the best people in this school. There's a reason why everyone trusts you so much, so don't sweat it. You wouldn't be where you are if you didn't deserve it."
That was one of the few times in my life where I was completely honest. I earned a smile from her, a tiny one, but true. She said thank you as we stepped into the light of the classroom where everyone was working. Their loud jokes and laughter rang in my ears and I felt like I had just stepped into a portal to the regular world, where people only talked about happy things. It was a bit of a shock; we had been so vulnerable just now without realizing it. But just like that, my moment with her ended, and it never came back.
But like a good friend, I always look out for her. I know that things aren't easy for her and she always blames herself, even when she doesn't have to. That's why everytime she smiles, I always hope it's not just for show. I always hope she has every reason to smile the way she did that night: small, but true.
