The Choice Between Life Or Death *Discontinued*

Chapter 6: Where Has The Time Gone?

Naruto's POV:

*Yawn*

"Geez, I slept for 14 hours, I must've been tired," Naruto complained.

I got home around 8:30 pm last night, did my nightly routine and was in bed an hour later. My wounds haven't opened overnight, so that's good. I don't have anything planned today because of what happened yesterday; Kakashi told me to have a few days off to heal before I do any more missions. I already know Sakura will have a fit once she finds out, I am just thankful that she doesn't know where I live, or else she would surely do something extreme.

Today looks like I will be writing in my journal, and going out to exercise tonight. Can't let my body go too far, but I also need to find some food. Hm, I kind of wonder what the others on my team are up to right now. Oh well, it's not like they're thinking about me. I'm going to get my journal and write an entry to talk about yesterday.

*Naruto grabbed his hidden journal, a pen and went to his bed to sit.*

Entry #3

'I am such a fool. I thought I had learned my lesson about trusting others, and to stop trying to make friends when I was younger. I was pretty sure Arisa taught me that lesson, so why did I tell Sasuke those things. I never delved into detail, but I led him on, tawagoto! I doubt it, but maybe he won't think about it or try to talk to me about it; he's not that kind of person. I hope that both Sasuke and Kakashi don't push for answers from anyone or myself about how I got this way; they both know it has something to do with this village.

One person I don't need to worry about discovering my falseness is Sakura, the persona the village knows me as, the Baka of the town, and demon. I'm still going to keep up my crush feelings for her when in front of others, so they don't think something changed with me, although I have changed so much and hide it, so I don't hurt anyone else.

I know Kurama always wondered why I never fought back, or why I don't want to hurt these people. He never understood why I smiled in acceptance of their actions. No one will ever know why I do what I do, but I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone. The main reason is that of my single life; it took so many others. I assumed members from many families from the villagers. I took someone precious away from all my teammates and wonder why they don't do worse things to me. I mean Sakura harms me, but it doesn't seem out of hate from the death of her older brother, just annoyance. I took Kakashi's wife away from him, and Sasuke's older sister. They all have a reason to hate me, and they have plenty of chances to, still they don't act upon their hatred for unknown reasons to me. They must know I was the cause for their deaths all those years ago; they have to. If they don't then they need to know. I'm also the reason why my parents are dead, why they never had a chance to raise me, although I doubt they'd want to build a murderer, a demon; maybe it's best that they never got to see what I have become.

*A tear uses the path many other tears used over the years to gracefully leap from Naruto's chin and onto the edge of the page*

That is the reason why I never fight back. That is the reasons why I leave Sakura to release her anger on my stupidity because I took something precious from her, and if degrading me in front of others to makes her feel better, then I'm alright with that; the same thing goes for the villagers.

Sasuke said that I could trust him and I think I may want to, but I don't know how to. Arisa made it clear that no one could be trusted. When I was in the academy, Sasuke showed me no help in my times of need. Let's be real, no one did, but since he sat right beside me, I thought he may have seen my bruises, bandages, ribs sticking out of my clothes, or even how I never ate with the others and always left at lunchtime. I hoped he would have tried doing something about it or tell someone else, but no such thing came for me. The same ordeal happened when we got placed on the same team. At the meeting, I clumsily tripped over my own two feet, but in actuality, I was fainting, and no hands reached for mine as I was close to the edge of the roof until after I went over. Each time Sakura went at me, he would be between her and myself and still do nothing. He just stayed there with his arms crossed. Then like every time, Kakashi stepped up to save the day. I believe he only does it, so he doesn't get questioned by the Hokage about his ability to teach or look after children.