We can have forever

Bittersweet

*john pov

I walked freddie over to the bathrooms, because he didn't want to walk to them alone. Well an odd request but I am not the one to turn someone down especially when they look like Freddie. When freddie looked at him with sad eyes he knew he would do anything for him. Freddie's eyes looked so lust filled yet soft, dangerous yet kind I couldn't quite read him I mean I had only met him today so I guess that was normal?

We got to the bathrooms and I started to walk off because I had walked him there so I thought my job was done. Well I thought wrong Fred gently grabbed my wrist and nodded toward the bathrooms telling me to go in. I checked around to make sure no one was staring and I stepped into the bathrooms with him.

"Why'd I have to go I with you"

"You know how I told you I'd show you why I complimented your lips"

"Uh yeah I guess?" I nodded but I was still kinda confused I didn't know what he meant. Before I could even figure out what he meant Fred cupped my cheek and then ran his other had along my jawline moving me closer and closer. I was getting more and more nervous, I had never kissed anyone before, what was I supposed to do? More importantly what if we were caught we would get in so much trouble for kissing in the bathroom, especially since we were two boys kissing.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts I didn't even realize that Freddie had stopped moving me closer, but our lips were barely an inch away, I could feel his hot breath against my face. It smelled like cigarettes, alcohol, and mints, it was almost intoxicating and I didn't know why because usually I hate the smell of cigarettes. His melting chocolate eyes were looking right at mine, but I was looking down. I hated eye contact it was just one of my quirks I guess. I was dragged out of my thoughts when freddie started to speak.

"Would you like me to kiss you, I mean I was going to do it but the you started to look troubled are you okay."

"Uh yeah it's just I've never done it before, and uh especially not with a boy. Not that it matters or anything, but it's just that we would get so much hate if we were caught. And I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to d-" my sentence was cut short by Freddie's lips on mine. Gently not rough, I just let him control the kiss because I had no idea what to do. I mean I was blushing like mad and I was starting to sweat because I felt like Fred wasn't enjoying it. The kiss lasted for about ten seconds before freddie pulled away.

I looked down, because I felt like I disappointed him because I didn't even know how to kiss.

"Oh darling that was lovely are you sure you've never kissed before." Freddie's eyes were glittering with happiness.

"I uh didn't think i was good I mean I only stood there I didn't move..."

"You didn't have to love. I can now most certainly say that you lips not only look gorgeous but they also felt gorgeous as well" Freddie put his thumb on my lips and rubbed across my bottom lip.

"Well uh thanks that's, very nice. Your lips are great too." I blush started to creep from my neck to the tips of my ears. Freddie then moved his hand down to my hand and began to play with my fingers, I started to get nervous that he would see. He gently stroked my hand, he moved his hand up more and began to play with the cuff of my sleeve. I pulled my hand back quickly and put it behind my neck I couldn't have him finding out that I cut, he wouldn't like me. Not only would I still not like myself, but if freddie saw he certainly wouldn't like me either.

"What was that for dear?" He sounded really concerned. I could feel my heart start to speed up and my mouth start to dry.

"Oh um nothing, it was uh nothing"

"Well it doesn't sound like nothing love let me see your hand." He gently pulled at my bicep trying to get me to bring my hand from behind my neck.

"Please stop freddie." I felt like all the air in my body was getting vacuum sealed out. He removed his hand and just looked at me with worry and a hint of sadness. I think freddie figures out that I was about to have a panic attack, I mean it wouldn't be that hard to tell I was practically hyperventilating at this point. He gently wrapped his arms around me and pulled my face into his chest, I was crying now. This was so embarrassing it I couldn't really control it, I felt like I was loosing myself to my emotions, and there was no going back. He was stroking patterns into my back gently. He started to hum calming tunes into the shell of my ear, I was already starting to calm down. My sobs were now just a quiet whimper into Freddie's chest.

"You can tell me what's wrong darling, I promise I won't say anything or leave you alone to suffer." I shook my head I wasn't ready to tell him anything. I hadn't told anyone, I always just wore this happy mask in front of everyone. Now I was starting to work myself up again thinking about telling anyone what I was dealing with I started to shake, Freddie just held me tighter into his chest.

"Hey, you don't have to tell me anything yet. I mean I am practically a total stranger" he let out a breathy laughter but he gained back a serious tone quite quickly. "But if you ever need anyone to talk to just know that I'm right here for you dear." Just as he said that the bell rang and we walked to our next class together my mind was racing with all the many events that just happened. I was determined to be happy for the rest of the day I mean I only had three more classes to get thought so it wasn't that hard of a task was it?