the celestial city

im growing up fast

i look the same.

no. my hair changed.

my brain is the same.

the same i have maintained

all my life.

no.

it has been corrupted

violent imagery and

inappropriate subjects

i remember the things

my ex wanted me to do

my brain was not the same

and i did those things

because i thought it was

love.

my face changed. and then

i knew what love was.

the mental scars healed and over time

i had someone to hold me

not with the choking weight

the over romantic

son of a bitch

but a gentle, far away affection.

and i used to despise

the alcohol and the smoke

but some days it is what i crave

because i am growing up

my only attachment to my childhood

is my dance classes

and my diploma that i will receive

may 24.

i am around adults at all times.

and they changed my brain.

i do not shy away from the risky topics.

and life itself.

and i see my friends

and realize,

"wow.

they haven't lived."

i grew up way too fast.

15 was not the right age and

i do not claim it as such.

though 17 isn't much better.

i learned how to juggle my

most important issues,

and do not worry,

they did fall to the ground

and again and again

but my brain changed

and suddenly i can put

ten plates on my nose!

and if you are still breaking those two plates

they crash to the ground

and the sound

is too much

and you feel overwhelmed

maybe you just haven't grown yet

maybe you need to drink a little more water

maybe you need to,

instead of staying inside

wallowing

LIVE

my beloved teenagers,

before you leave your house

please

live

(and maybe try paper plates, first.)