In the Interlude

Chapter 52.2 - When You Know, You Know

"You know what? If not having kids means I have you, then I am okay with that." Tom felt an overwhelming sense of peace as he said the words. It was okay to make a leap this big.

Aïcha held his gaze, unperturbable, unwavering. One second. Two seconds. Five seconds. It seemed like an eternity and she hated herself for causing him so much pain. But she couldn't let him sacrifice himself like that. She was doing this as much for Mia as for him.

"Oh, Tom. You're one of the kindest and most beautiful men inside and out that I've ever had the good fortune of knowing. And I will cherish our memories and time together. Every moment of it," she said her voice wavering slightly. "But you don't know what you're saying. You-"

"Aïcha-"

"No, Tom. Let me finish," she said, her tone clipped and curt."I can't let you do that. And even if I did, you'll resent me for it, you'll feel trapped with nowhere to go. You still need to find your soul mate, get married, have kids that will expand your horizons as Mia has expanded mine."

"Are you done?" he said quietly, shaking his head, only slightly. Aïcha pressed her lips together in response.

He reached for her hand, pulling them both to sit back on the chairs. "Darling, I don't know which way the wind will blow but I'm along for the ride. I love you and I want to figure things out with you. I want to listen to you, laugh with you, make love to you and make memories with you. I want to meet your daughter, build a family with you two. I want to be there for you, every minute of every day."

Her resolve was crumbling, he was chipping away at it one sweet word at a time. She swallowed hard to dislodge the lump in her throat. "Is that enough for you? It can't be!"

"You don't understand!"

Aïcha smiled as if her thin smile hurt her face. "Oh, I do understand. You would be such a sweet husband and father, I know it in my bones. And I can't just steal that away from you."

His face flinched at her words, his lips a firm straight line.

"You say you don't want kids but there will come a day when you'll ache for it. And that ache will intensify and be triggered every time a friend of yours can't go out for drinks because he needs to stay with the baby. It will hurt each time you see a young dad with his kid in the park or simply in the street. Trust me. I know." Her voice cracked as a sob stuck to the back of her throat. 

"Well, I know too. I know what I want and I want to take a chance with you!" There were tears in his eyes. He was yelling now.

She turned her gaze from him, fighting him on this as much as she was fighting herself. Aïcha was sick and tired of living a half-life. She wanted to give in, to say yes, to let herself drown in the love she had for him, and the love he had for her. Why did it have to be so damn difficult?

"You deserve so much better. Don't waste your life on me," she said in a small voice.

Tom groaned. Just when he thought he was gaining ground. In a last desperate attempt, he pulled her chair towards him. It made a scraping noise on the wooden floor. Their fingers touched for a second then his hands moved to land on her shoulders. Their warmth burned through her dress. 

He searched for the right words as his eyes searched her face. It was his last attempt. There wasn't going to be a second chance at this, or so he believed. 

"Look me in the eye and tell me you feel nothing for me, that you don't see a future with me, and I will never bother you ever again." 

Tom spoke the words softly, quietly, but they crashed like a tidal wave over Aïcha. His blue eyes sparkled, and she tried to hold his gaze, but she couldn't – looking instead at her hands in her laps. A tear rolled slow and hot down her cheek.