Another Scottish Tragedy [LAMS AU]

10

Alex called John every night that week.

They talked for hours, talking about life, talking about themselves, talking about nothing at all.

Sometimes, if they had run out of words, they would just lie there and enjoy the comfortable silence.

Alex had never felt more content.

John loved it when Alex read him his writing. He asked John to read him the "cold in my professions, warm in my friendships" letter to him over and over. Alex had to make sure he didn't actually say John's name while reading it. He fought to keep his voice calm, to keep the love he felt for John from pouring into every word, every syllable, every breath.

Whoever you wrote that about is so lucky.

Gosh, John was so cute. Though there was a sadness there, a wistfulness, a longing for something he believed to be out of reach. John Laurens believed himself to be unworthy of love.

If only the poor boy knew.

"You know who you remind me of?" John said one night.

"Who?"

"Alexander Hamilton."

It took everything in him to keep his voice steady as he said "How so?"

"The way you write. The way you use words. Your sentences, they flow the same way his do."

"Do they now?"

"Yeah. But it's not just the writing. It's your inability to be satisfied, the way you're always writing like you're running out of time. The passion I can feel radiating off of you when you talk about something you love."

Alex's heart was racing. His body was trembling.

Should he tell him? Should he risk losing his best friend, losing his love and tell him who he really was? Should he throw his worries into the wind and let John know who exactly he was?

Or should he keep his secret? Should he not let John know and pray he never found out.

But what if he did find out? Somewhere along the line, from someone else, through some secret dark web smutty Ham x Reader fanfic dark magic bullshit.

The longer he waited to tell him, the harder it would be. The angrier he would be with him for not telling the truth.

Alex wanted to tell him. Wanted to tell him everything. That he was Alexander Hamilton. That he was hopelessly in love with him, that his turtle was adorable and his humor was adorable and his accent turned him on so much he didn't know what to do with himself.

Alex wanted nothing more than to fly down to wherever the hell John was, barge into his dorm room, and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.

Now I know how Phillipa feels. I too am helpless.

"A, are you alright? You're breathing really heavily."

"I'm fine." Alex said. "I'm just... thinking."

"Thinking? Ew, don't do that. Thinking is bad."

"Trust me, I know." Alex said. "C-Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Alex took a deep breath. "Who do you think I am? What do you think I'm like?"

John paused before answering. Every second of silence felt like another nail hammered into Alex's coffin.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

Alex couldn't stand to keep a secret from John anymore. He didn't want to keep any secrets from John anymore. He wanted to tell him everything, wanted to rip out his beating heart and hand it to John. Where John was concerned, he didn't want to have any secrets.